This is a work of fiction. All of the characters and events portrayed in
this novel are products of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously.
Control Issues was printed in the United States of America. No part of
this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the author. For information contact K. Lynn
Brown Publishing at website below.
www.klynnbrownpublishing.com
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Control Issues -K. Lynn Brown Publishing
Prologue
I found myself becoming more and more irritated by my ex-husband's
wife. The sound of her voice was like nails scratching on a chalkboard.
She was constantly barking out orders to caterers, florist, and her regular
household staff as they began to deliver and setup for her big day. You
would have thought she was preparing for a wedding instead of a five
year anniversary party. Damon hadn’t even reached the point of the
seven year itch. I was just a little jealous that they had made it this far. I
didn’t think they would make it past a year when Damon told me they
were getting married.
"I specifically said I did not want any baby’s breath in my floral
arrangements. This will never do!"
"It's going to be fine Maxine. Just calm down. It’s not that serious."
Even though I was in the next room I could sense how much her tantrum
was irritating him. He wasn’t feeling this big anniversary celebration
that Maxine was planning at all.
I was picking up our daughter who had spent the night before with her
father taking in a movie and a meal. Something they did the first
weekend of every month without fail. Damon promised he would keep
things as close as he could to routine after we divorced and made the
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same promise to me before he remarried.
Rachel called me around midnight the night before explaining that she
would sleep over and needed to be picked up in the morning. Normally
Damon brought her home but for some reason said he couldn’t this time.
There’s no doubt in my mind that Maxine had something to do with it.
He could have easily had one of his drivers bring her home. Knowing
Maxine, she probably told Damon that they were all busy running
errands for her. Damon was very protective over me and Rachel and
had to constantly keep Maxine in check about little stunts she pulled.
But sometimes he let little stuff like this slide. Telling me “Don’t sweat
the small stuff.” I was hoping every second of my drive over that Rachel
would be ready. I didn’t even want to go in the house. Maxine was the
queen of excess and formality and made sure it showed in everything
she did. Their house looked like a public library or some other public
building. It was huge and cold. It fit Maxine’s personality to a T.
I could tell Damon took no part in the choice. He would have chosen
something elegant, but also warm and welcoming. We share the same
taste in everything. Maxine’s only concern was the price tag. She had to
have the best of everything, even if it was hideous.
As soon as I pulled into the circular drive, and stopped directly at the
front entrance. The huge front door opened slowly. I stared at it hoping
that either Damon or Rachel were on the other side of it. To my
disappointment it was a woman in a maid’s uniform. She walked
towards the car, eventually around the rear and reached for the car door.
She smiled but it seemed to be forced and fake.
“Ms. Rachel isn't ready yet ma'am. Please come in and have a cold
drink while you wait."
She was definitely one of Maxine's recently hired hands. I had never
seen her at the house before, not that I was here often.
Other than the handful of parties Damon gave for Rachel at their
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house and a few special occasions, I hadn't been inside their abode very
often. The maid was well into her fifties and very formal and rigid.
am certain that above the word maid in the dictionary I would find this
woman's picture.
Maxine never hired young attractive help. That would be like having a
wolf guard a herd of sheep.
She knew of Damon’s never ending quest for new conquest and wasn't
going to make cheating convenient.
After being bold enough to open the car door for me she motioned
towards the open entryway to the house.
"After you ma'am."
She refused to take no for an answer. Even after I exhaled visibly, she
would not take the hint and just run in and tell Rachel I was there.
"Mr. and Mrs. would have my head if I let you bake out in this hot sun."
So here I sat in the belly of the beast. For the five years that Maxine and
Damon had been married, I had managed to avoid being in situations
like this. I got pissed at Damon all over again for not bringing her home.
Damon had always transported Rachel back and forth. Maxine and I
always saw each other on neutral territory. Like Rachel's school events
and dance recitals. It’s not like Maxine and I battled or anything. we
had never really exchanged an unkind word.
We just had what you might call an undercover hate of each other. She
hated me because I had Damon first and I hated her because she had him
now. Not that I couldn’t be with him now. I was the one begging for the
divorce and this term begging is meant to be taken literally. The maid
who introduced herself as Irene seated me in the entryway when I
refused to venture any deeper into the house. I rested my head on the
back of the chair, taking in the cool air blowing throughout the house
and sipping slowly on a glass of cranberry juice she had given me. I
strained to listen to Damon trying to calm Maxine down about the flower
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mix up. Finally Damon strolled in leisurely looking sexy as ever.
I had on a rather tight fitting velour sweat suit and now wondered if it
was too suggestive a choice. I knew Damon loved to follow ever curve of
my body with his eyes and I loved it. I thought maybe it wasn’t
appropriate to encourage this in his own house, but it was too late now. I
was there and the outfit was already painted on my curvy body. I threw
it on in anger when I found out I had to interrupt my busy schedule to
pick up Rachel. This outfit was more for Maxine than anyone else.
Maybe next time Maxine would free a driver up to bring Rachel home.
“What’s up baby?” Damon walked closer than was necessary for a
simple greeting. He wrapped his arms around my waist, allowing one of
his hands to slide down and grab my behind. He kissed me allowing his
tongue to explore my mouth for a moment. My body always melted
instantly in respond to his touch. He had that effect on me the first time
we met. I gave in to his kiss but quickly pushed him away when the
reality of where I was came back to me.
“Are you crazy?” He backed away and licked his lips looking me up and
down seductively.
“Crazy about you. You wear that tight shit over here and think I can
control myself.”
Maxine walked into the room with her eyes darting quickly from me to
Damon. You could’ve heard a pin drop and it seemed as if the air grew
thicker and harder to inhale. This was probably the mounting tension
that seeped into a room whenever the three of us shared oxygen. I was
twiddling my thumbs wondering what was taking Rachel so long, while
Damon was going through some of his mail.
“Good morning Tina.” She said rather coldly.
“Good morning Maxine.” I returned with the same attitude.
“Good morning baby.” She walked over and kissed Damon long and
deep. If he wouldn’t have broken away from her, who knows when it
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would have ended. She grinned at me to let me know that her little
display of affection was strictly for me. Damon looked extremely
unhappy with her public display.
Rachel couldn't have entered the room at a better time.
"OK dad I'm leaving."
"Alright baby. I'll see you tomorrow evening."
She walked over and kissed her father.
“Bye Max.” She kissed Maxine on the cheek.
Her and Damon looked like a set of twins today as they stood side by
side.
I stood up quickly and smoothed my pants down my thighs to get non
existing wrinkles out. Damon followed my hands closely as they ran
along my hips and thighs. He licked his lips seductively. I felt tingling
from my head to my toes. Maxine had turned to talk to Rachel to
discuss something about the anniversary party and didn’t catch her
husband’s eyes undressing me. Or the look I gave him in exchange.
Damon hugged me and pecked me on the cheek.
“You take care.”
Damon smelled good as always. His scent was always intoxicating.
Even when he wasn’t wearing cologne, he always had a fresh scent about
him. Damon was the sexiest man I had ever known. All 6’2 of him.
Damon looked good enough to eat as always. He was wearing very
loose fitting jeans (something he almost never wore) and a loose fitting
white polo shirt. He had always been very slim, but muscular in all the
right places.
He had a deep chocolate complexion and curly black hair. He always
kept his hair cut really short, which brought out his keen features.
Maxine stood back and watched us with her hands on her hips. She
eventually came over and hugged me. We touched cheeks in that phony
way that women do when they secretly can’t stand each other.
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"Take care Tina. You are coming to the anniversary celebration aren't
you?" She said in a voice that was too sweet to be real.
"Of course." I lied. When hell freezes over is what I was thinking. "With
bells on." I chirped. There was more prolonged silence.
"Soooo Rachel, You ready?"
"Yep, I'm ready."
Irene quickly gathered Rachel's bags and followed us to the car. This
woman was like a robot. I couldn't get out of that house quick enough.
After the bags were loaded, I coasted my Land Rover slowly out of the
driveway. Finally I turned out on to Seven Mile Road.
Damon’s house was located in Sherwood Forest but on the opposite end
of where mine was. This was actually the area I lived in when we started
dating. Of course the house I lived in then was probably the tiniest
house in Sherwood and I was renting that. After we married I moved
into his house in Grosse Pointe.
I loved it there because it was near the water.
I would sit in the window for hours staring at the water and watching
the waves beat against the shore.
We still owned that house. I sometimes rode by and saw lights on and
Damon’s car parked in front. Maxine didn’t know he still owned the
house, which made it perfect for his little affairs. A few times I was
tempted to ring the doorbell when I saw his car parked in front just to
shock the hell out of him. But his infidelities weren’t my problem
anymore thank God. Damon tried to convince me to stay in the Grosse
Pointe house after the divorce, but I wanted to buy my own house.
I had never done it before and looked forward to it. As I passed Palmer
Park. I glanced at the joggers as they started their morning workouts.
I was never much of a runner. I jogged briefly in high school and during
my first year in college just to stay in shape but my ever increasing breast
size made it clear that jogging was not meant for me. It seemed like no
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matter how much I worked out they continued to grow. My 140 pound
5’5 frame looked off balance with my 40D bra size. I had often thought
about getting a breast reduction but Damon wouldn’t have it. Maybe
now that I was divorced I might consider it. He probably still thought he
had some say in it. Funny how I hadn’t thought about getting a
reduction in years. So much was going on in my life that I didn’t have
time to think about such small things as bra size. It was hard to believe
that this was the same park that my mother took me to when I was small.
We would picnic, feed the ducks, and would even take a dip in the pool
which was now closed. The only purpose this park served now was as a
hook up point for the more raunchy types of the city. There was actually
a gay side and a straight side of the park. It felt good to be out of that
house. Next time something would have to be worked out. I wasn’t
going in that woman’s house again.
"Been shopping I see."
“What did you buy?”
“Momma I bought this cream colored dress that is just too sharp. I
bought some Minolo Blahnik shoes to go with it. You should see dad’s
suit. It‘s real nice. Maxine has a Vera Wang dress that coordinates real
nicely with his suit.”
Rachel loved to shop and always got real excited when she talked about
clothes. Damon as usual went overboard in spoiling her. What in the
world did an 18 year old need with Minola Blahniks? She rambled on
and on about her purchases.
“But I guess you’ll see tomorrow.”
She stared at me obviously waiting for a response to her statement.
“Yeah I guess.”
“So you’re actually going?” She continued to stare a hole in me.
“In all honesty. I’m not sure.”
“Momma I know you’re still in love with Dad and you are not trying to
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see them together like that.”
I laughed uncomfortably, but she just looked at me with this serious look
on her face.
“Not that it’s any of your business. But I love your Dad like a family
member. I will always love him. But we’re not in love. Okay? We are
just really close. We respect each other and are civil to one another.”
Rachel smirked and rolled her eyes.
“You two are a little too civil to be divorced. Dad’s always tipping over
to our house and staying real late. It’s no wonder Max is always flipping
out on dad about you. I just thought you might want to know that Max
is noticing too.”
“Rachel what are you talking about?” I tried to act cool and calm that my
daughter was calling me out on my dirty doings.
"Dad and Max were fighting." Rachel perked up with excitement about
the juicy gossip she was about to reveal.
"What do you mean?" I tried to appear cavalier and uninterested.
Rachel smacked her lips between words like she always did when she
gossiped. “She was upset about dad going to the movies with me last
night. She said there were things she needed done for the anniversary
party. I never heard dad holler at her like he did last night. She said he's
never home and spends too much time at our house. He even slept in
the guest house."
My relationship with my ex was obviously moving from being a mere
irritation to Maxine to a full blown problem. She picked up on how close
we still were and hated it. What woman wouldn’t? Apparently this was
starting to take a real toll on their marriage. I was surprised that Damon
had not mentioned this to me. He usually confided in me about
everything. Maybe their current marital problems had something to do
with Maxine inviting me to their anniversary celebration. I was shocked
when I got the invitation in the mail. I understood getting a wedding
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invitation when they first got married. That was probably just out of
respect because I was Rachel’s mother and Rachel was in the wedding.
Maxine was definitely up to something. Damon and Maxine had thrown
numerous parties and celebrations without inviting me. Why suddenly
this need to include me on the guest list?
She could be trying to rub my face in the fact that the marriage had
lasted five years. There was also the possibility that she wanted to see
Damon and me together. Maybe to confirm any suspicions she had
about our relationship. Maybe she figured out that something was going
on between us. It didn’t help when Damon pulled little stunts like that
kiss today. He seemed to be getting bolder and bolder.
I didn’t like these little sick games he seemed to be getting pleasure out
of lately. In the past he was always worried about being discreet. Now
he seemed to get excited about all the cheating and sneaking around.
Maxine was definitely no dummy. She knew to keep her friends close
and those you consider enemies even closer. Even though I didn’t like
Maxine, I had to admit that the woman was pretty smart. She single
handily ran a publishing company that her father left to her when he
died.
The company was already set up and running smoothly when she
stepped in, but I knew from working with Damon that keeping a
publishing company going was no easy task. Maxine had no family
members to help her in this monumental task.
I had to admit she was a rather attractive woman too. She was very slim,
actually quite skinny.
She had a very light complexion that was flawless. She kept her hair cut
really short. It was hard to tell if it was naturally curly or not. Basically
what it amounted to was a very short curly fro. It was cute and it did fit
her face. She kept it died a very light brown. My daughter jokingly
called her ‘spider’ behind her back because of her tall slim figure. She
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was definitely not Damon's type. She had that runway model sort of
look. Not beautiful but healthy and wholesome looking with keen,
chiseled features. If she wasn’t with Damon, I probably would think she
was beautiful. I just couldn’t bring myself to categorize a woman that
was with my Damon this way.
Damon always joked that he liked women with plenty of meat on their
bones. That was one thing I had plenty of. I actually had some to spare.
Maxine and I were total opposites. I fought to maintain a 140 LB figure.
Always battling the bulge. Maxine was one of those women who
probably never struggled with her weight. I hated this about her. She
did have rather large, pretty shapely legs to be as skinny as she was.
These were probably the only curves on her whole body. I had a more
bronze like complexion in comparison to Maxine’s very light
complexion. Damon always said his wife had to be brilliant, beautiful,
have a killer body, and know how to use it. He reminded me constantly
that he fell in love with me because I filled all of these requirements. He
said that before he met me all of the women he ran into were gold
diggers. He loved the fact that I didn’t care how much money he had. I
loved him for the person that he was. I knew of Damon’s plans to marry
Maxine before she even knew. She would be pissed to know that.
Damon and I were very close. No one knew as much about him as I did
and vice versa. He told me everything that was going on in his life. He
confided in me more than anyone else in the world. He explained to me
that the marriage to Maxine was simply business.
That he didn't love her. He said he wasn't even attracted to her and
sometimes couldn't stand her. She was madly in love with him though.
Maxine literally begged Damon to marry her.
She promised to do anything and everything needed to make him happy.
Damon being the straightforward person that he's always been told her
that he enjoyed hanging out with her and doing things with her, but that
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his feelings towards her were simply platonic. He said she ran away
hurt and crying like a spoiled little rich girl. The next day he received a
thick stack of documents by private messenger from her attorney
detailing a business merger. Maxine gets what Maxine wants. Damon
showed up at my door right after getting the documents.
He plopped down on the carpet in my living room with his back against
the wall (literally and mentally).
He was slumped over slightly with his head between his hands.
“Tina I need to talk to you about something.” My heart started beating
so hard that I thought it was about to jump out of my chest and my
breathing sped up. Damon’s expression scared me to death.
“Tina I might be getting married.” I was drinking a bottle of water and
pulled it away from my lips. My eyes were big as saucers.
“What? To who?” I wanted to burst into tears on the spot, but tried to
hide my emotions.
“To Maxine Snow.” He had this embarrassed smirk on his face.
When I first went to work for him, Maxine was a constant thorn in my
side. Her and Damon traveled in the same circles since they were both
in the publishing game. It was common knowledge that their
relationship was nothing more than a friendship with fringed benefits.
He basically treated her like a buddy and used her for sex when he had
an itch he needed scratched like he did with most women. It was also
common knowledge that she wanted more of a relationship than he was
willing to give. Damon let it be well known to everyone how deep his
feelings were for me. Maxine tried everything she could to come
between us. I still remember the expression on her face when he
announced at the annual Michigan Publishers Society ball that we were
getting married. Damon cleared his throat and suddenly put on this
business like voice. He explained that she wanted to merge their
publishing companies. I just stared at him in shock. I don’t know what
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surprised me more. His willingness to marry Maxine or his description
of their plans to marry like some business merger.
“I don't know what to do Tina. This goes against everything I believe.
But this is an opportunity of a lifetime Tina." He looked at me as if I
could give him some stamp of approval on this insane idea.
"Damon you couldn’t possibly be serious. Why are you even considering
this? And more importantly. Why are you here discussing it with me? I
know you're not expecting me to give you advice on if you should get
married. And to someone I hate as much as Maxine Snow." I shook my
head and squinted my eyes in disgust. I was hurt and pissed and
extremely disappointed in Damon.
He ignored my remarks and continued to talk like he was making a
presentation at some sales meeting or something.
"She’s actually willing to make a deal like this to get you to marry her? I
mean did she say that all of this is with the stipulation of marriage?"
"Yeah." He said grudgingly. "She’s very specific about that." He stood
and started to pace back and forth.”
“That is really pathetic. So basically she’s buying you.”
I don’t think he even heard me. He was staring off in space in deep
thought. I knew what he was thinking. He had been trying for years to
expand into the areas of radio and television.
He knew that once he succeeded at that. He could consider Heritage
Publications a success. Only then would he be confident in it providing
for his daughter when he was gone and even his future generations.
That was a big thing to Damon.
"You know sometimes we have to put all that emotional stuff on the back
burner Tina.” I didn’t say a word. “I have to discuss this with you
because of your interest in Heritage Publications. You know from the
business stand point. Maxine may be in love and all that but she is a
businesswoman. A very shrewd one. I have to guarantee that you and
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Rachel don't lose anything in this deal. Then I have to consider a prenup.
Damn I know this is insane. But just the thought Tina. A TV and radio
station." He looked like a kid on Christmas morning.
Damon sat back in his original spot on the carpet and scratched his head
vigorously with both hands. He always did this when he was stressed. I
stood over him sipping a large bottle of evian water that I desperately
wanted to hit him over the head with. I was just wrapping up my
morning workout and still wearing my gym shorts and sports bra.
"It’s not the business and money that concerns me Damon. I know you'll
make sure that’s tight. I know you’ll protect our interest Damon, I don't
doubt that. And I know you'll be smart about this as far as business, but
you will have to be with this woman 24-7. Working together, sleeping
together. Living as husband and wife.” I had to fight back tears again.
“And what about us? What do you expect me to do now? Heritage
Publications is doing fine as it is Damon. The magazine and the
newspaper are doing very well. Ad sales and subscriptions are at their
highest. You don’t have to do this. Do you love her Damon?" I didn’t
even want to look at him. If I did, I would’ve lost it.
I had not experienced jealousy about my ex and other women in a very
long time. I just did not imagine him getting married to anyone else. It
hit me hard.
He looked up at me. "Of course not Tina. You know what I think of
Maxine. I love you Tina. You know that. Nothing will change. We're
divorced but you know our situation.” I looked at him like he was crazy.
It was one thing to sleep with your ex husband. It was another thing
altogether if he was married. Even in my younger days, I didn’t fool
with another woman’s husband.
“What woman could deal with us still sleeping together and being as
close as we are? She would definitely find out Damon.”
“Tina if we’re very discreet. We can make it work.”
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“You’re crazy. You could only hide it for so long.”
“Then I’ll tell her the truth. She knows how I am anyway.”
“Damon as much as I hate Maxine. I still feel that it wouldn't be right to
ask her to accept that. Even if you know she would try. It‘s just not
right." I couldn’t believe he was actually trying to make sense out of this
insane idea.
I lost my temper and started shouting at him. “Damon everything will
change! Damon don’t do it! If you marry her! We’re through! We have
to break it off! We couldn’t possibly continue going on like we have been
if you go through with this! It wouldn’t work! I won‘t do it!”
Damon sprang to his feet so fast that it startled me and I took a few steps
back. Damon was never physical with me. In the years I had known him
he had never laid a hand on me. But he did have a very explosive
temper that would scare me at times. He gave me a stern look and raised
his voice as he pointed in my face. “Not if you value the lifestyle I
provide for you. Tina ending our arrangement isn’t even up for
discussion. Nothing will come between that. Are we clear on that? You
got me? I’ll never let you go Tina. Our thing is for life. I came over here
to discuss this with you out of respect and consideration. But you don‘t
call shots on shit. You feel me?”
When I didn’t respond he grabbed my shoulders firmly and glared at
me. “Yeah. I understand.” I mumbled through tears.
My heart sank at the thought of Damon getting married. In the few years
that we had been divorced, I had become accustomed to how things
were. I didn't care about his little screwing buddies he dealt with since
our divorce. This was serious.
Damon pulled me close to him and held me until the tension left my
body and I relaxed in his arms.
“I’m sorry Tina. Just don’t talk about leaving me. You know how crazy
that makes me.”
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"Damon I want things to stay the way they are. And I don’t want any
drama added to Rachel’s life. And will she be able to handle me still
working with you and being with you on the professional level? You
have to think about all of this. When you decide what to do you have to
consider all of this.”
“Well you do most of your work from home anyway. I mean you’re only
in your office about once a week and lately it’s been less than that.”
“Damon what if she wants to try to take my position or fire me?”
“I’ll get her real clear on that from jump. You and Rachel are completely
off limits as far as all that personal bullshit. That’s the first thing I have
to set her straight on.”
My heart was in a million little pieces. We just stood there holding each
other in silence. Damon turned to leave and my emotions overtook me
again. I knew once he walked out that door our relationship would be
forever changed.
“Don’t be surprised if I come to you one day soon with the same request
Damon.” He blew up and stormed back in my direction.
“Tina don’t fucking play with me.” I was glad that my statement hurt
him because he was hurting me right now with this news he was
springing on me. This wasn’t in the plan. When I divorced him it wasn’t
to let him go and marry someone else.
“You know you ain’t the only man with money around here. A bunch of
rich brothers want me Damon. They‘re dying to get a piece of this and
take care of me too.” Out of nowhere Damon did something he had
never done before. I felt the force of his open hand against my face.
I cried loudly.
“I hate you Damon. With all your bitches on the side. Your marriage
won’t last a year.”
“I’ll deal with that. I’m outta here. In the meantime you just remember
your fucking place. And you know what I told you about other
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motherfuckas Tina. I guess you‘re just trippin cause you‘re mad. But
don‘t be stupid.” He gestured around the room.
“Cause all of this can be gone in an instant.”
He snapped his fingers in my face.
“Like I told you. I don’t care about her and this is strictly business. And
if I recall this thing right. You left me. And you never looked back.
Since when do you give a damn what I do and who I‘m with? Since
we’ve been apart, you treat this whole arrangement like it don’t bother
you one damn bit. Like it‘s strictly business. I came up with this
arrangement of ours to keep what little bit of yourself you were willing
to give me. You know I sleep with other women and you don‘t even
care. Do you know how that makes me feel Tina?”
“What good does it do for me to care Damon? Huh? What good did that
do while we were married? You didn’t stop.” He had a lot of damn
nerve. I was still holding my cheek which was still stinging from his
slap. I still couldn’t believe he had actually hit me. We both took deep
breaths to calm down. I knew in some ways. He was right. Why was I
trippin? I knew it was just the money Damon was considering marrying.
Not the woman. And I did leave him. Not the other way around.
Damon walked towards the front door again. I followed him. I wasn’t
angry anymore but was deeply hurt. The tears started flowing faster.
“I’m sorry. I’m just surprised Damon. I never pictured you getting
married. This whole thing has caught me by surprise.” Damon stopped
abruptly and turned to me. He paused when he saw the tears and
sighed. “Tell me you want to come back to me Tina.” His voice was soft
and gentle now.
“I am with you Damon. You know our arrangement. I‘m always here
for you.” I looked at the floor and shook my head. He grabbed my
shoulders firmly and tried to look deep into my eyes. I wouldn’t look at
him. I just stared at the floor.
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“Damn that. I mean really come back to me. You and Rachel move back
in. We can remarry and put things back how they used to be.” I pulled
away from him.
“Damon how can you ask me such a thing right now. In the same breath
that you tell me you’re going to marry someone else. Then to give me an
ultimatum.”
“What’s it gonna be Tina? This thing with Maxine is strictly business. If
you’re ready to come back to me as my wife, I won’t do it. You can come
home right now.”
I was silent.
“You really don’t give a fuck about our marriage do you? You’re upset
about me marrying somebody else but you don’t love me enough to do
whatever you have to do to stop it.”
“How dare you put that kind of guilt and pressure on me. I love you
more than anything and you know it but don’t include me in this crazy
decision you’re making Damon. You know I love you Damon.” He
pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took two credit cards out and
threw them at me. They landed on the floor next to my feet.
“The two gold cards you wanted.”
“Damon wait. Don’t leave things like this.” He slammed the door so
hard it bounced back open. I rushed to the door and reached it as he was
backing out of the driveway. He floored his Porsche and had to swerve
to avoid hitting a dog in the street.
I shouted for him but he ignored me. Just weeks later I got a wedding
invitation in the mail. Damon had made his decision.
Rachel was in the wedding party but I couldn’t bring myself to attend. I
sat at home alone drinking until I passed out. I felt stupid that I started
an argument with him because I was jealous about him marrying
Maxine. I felt even more idiotic that after he called me on it and asked
me to remarry him, I choked. I didn’t want to marry him but didn’t want
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anyone else to either. I exhaled deeply as I thought about how difficult
those times were for me.
"Well I hope your fathers okay. You know how his blood pressure goes
up when he gets into it with Maxine."
"He was fine this morning."
"Good." I was relieved. I truly did want Damon to be happy. I liked our
arrangement. I had grown accustomed to the fact that he was married to
Maxine. It was clear to me that he loved me more than anything in the
world and this marriage was just as he explained. Simply business.
Things were fine just as they were. I definitely did not want to be
married and live with Damon again. Worrying about where he was and
who he was with. I loved things just the way they were. My daughter
lived a great life with all her needs and wants met. In addition to the
court ordered alimony, Damon gave me a generous allowance and
bought me anything I asked for. We still had great sex together (actually
even better). We were inseparable. The only thing he required in
return?
No men in my life ever. Not in my bed or house or anywhere near his
daughter. Basically he expected me to remain his wife in every way
except on paper. I was expected to still take care of all of his personal
needs. Living in separate homes was the only real change that occurred.
He had a key to my house and came and went whenever he pleased. He
even ate many of his meals at my house. I basically took care of his
needs as any wife did with her husband. Damon had special needs and
was particular about how they were met.
He said he searched high and low to find someone who could do things
how he needed them done and wasn't about to give that up. He
drummed into my head over and over again that this was a divorce on
paper alone.
As long as I played by his rules, he would see to it that all my needs and
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wants were taken care of with no questions asked.
I had begged for a divorce for well over 3 years and he refused. Then he
came up with this arrangement. I didn’t love the idea at first but if it
gave me some form of freedom from the hell he took me through for 13
years. I would give it a shot. I knew that it wasn’t a perfect
arrangement.
And I knew it couldn’t go on forever, especially now that he went and
got married. But it worked for now. I loved everything about Damon
and enjoyed taking care of him. I just didn’t know how much longer this
would work. An additional problem was that Rachel was a young
woman herself and starting to figure out what was going on. What kind
of message was that sending to her even if Damon was her father and I
was once married to him? The fact of the matter was, right now he’s
married. Rachel would eventually figure out that I was basically smiling
in Maxine’s face and screwing her husband behind her back. If she
hadn’t figured it out already.
I loved Damon more than anything in the world, but when I lived with
him I was slowly falling into a life of misery and depression. The
constant cheating and lying. He was a totally different person under the
same roof. He constantly took my love for him for granted. I think he
even realizes that now. I had no problem with the ‘no man’ arrangement
either. Damon was the only man I desired. From the moment I met him
I never lusted for another man. He was everything I wanted and
needed. So it was very easy to abide by this restriction.
The only man I could even endure at this point in my life was Damon
and him only in a separate house. The last thing I wanted was another
relationship. And as demanding as Damon was I didn’t have the time or
the energy for another man. There were some months when he came
over every single day to sleep with me. Most of the time he didn’t even
care if I was into it or not. As long as I provided whatever type of
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pleasure he was in the mood for at the time. Rachel had turned on her
ipod and was humming with her headphones stuck in her ears.
We had a salon appointment and as usual were running late.
I merged into traffic on the M10 expressway as I popped in a Michael
Franks CD and started to sing along with his eggplant tune.
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Chapter 1
Damn Tina looked good today. I couldn’t get her out of my mind as I sat
in my home office signing payroll checks that had to go out at the end of
the week. That girl still has a body that drives me crazy and a pretty face
to match. She was smaller when we met. But I love her body even more
now. She’s a lot thicker but still firm. And I love every inch. Like fine
wine. The older she gets the better she gets. I wanted desperately to
follow her right out the door this morning. I would’ve kept her up in
that house all morning. But that would have been too out cold even if I
didn’t give a damn about Maxine’s feelings.
As always Tina’s skin had tanned a beautiful bronze from the summer
sun. I always teased her about this and called her ‘my golden girl’ when
we first met.
"We gotta hook up today." With all this crazy anniversary bullshit, I was
finding it difficult to get away to be with her. Maxine was running me
all over the city for this stupid ass party, which I think is pointless. I had
a few other women that I hooked up with from time to time (my
regulars). They just don’t do me like Tina does. No one can satisfy me
like she does. Oh they try, but always fall short of my babies abilities.
She goes above and beyond to satisfy me. She seems more uninhibited
since we’re divorced. It’s weird. She does things for me in the bedroom
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now that I couldn’t even suggest for her to do when we were married.
I’m seeing her again today. Hook or crook. I stretched and tried to push
my ’old boy’ down. Because he was forming a hell of a tent in my pants
right now. I would hate for Maxine to catch me like this. I’m going
through another one of my Tina stages. These are times when I miss
living with Tina.
I’ve gone through this a number of times since the divorce and always
drop hints to her. Usually this feeling would last for a few days then
pass when she does something stupid or pisses me off. But lately I can’t
shake this need to have her with me all day and night. I was a damn fool
to let her divorce me. Every time I bring up the idea of remarrying , she
blows me off and laughs and changes the subject. Like it’s a damn joke.
She just don’t know. I’m totally serious about it. I would drop Maxine in
a heartbeat if Tina wanted to come back to me. I know I was an asshole
when I lived with her. It's a wonder she stayed as long as she did. If she
just gave me another chance. Things would be different.
I could hear Maxine in the next room talking to the florist about the
flowers she flipped out about. Tina never sweated all that silly shit. My
sisters and my mother loved Maxine to death. They were all alike. Stuck
up and so called sophisticated. Tina was so laid back and down to earth.
I always loved that about her. My family hated it and said she wasn’t
good enough for me. I guess since she didn’t grow up with money they
thought she was a sac chaser. Maxine’s voice made me long even more
to hear Tina’s sweet voice echoing through this house instead of hers. I
have to figure a way to dip out of here for a few hours. I had to talk to
Tina about this anniversary invitation Maxine sent her too. I told her not
to send that shit to Tina. But she did anyway. I knew if I could convince
Tina to come it could end these suspicions Maxine was having. Maxine
really went off last night. She did everything short of accusing me of
sleeping with Tina. That would be next. I started getting mad all over
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again when I thought about how she was grilling me.
“Where were you Damon? I waited here all day for you.”
“I told you Max. I went to the movies with Rachel.” I sat on the bed and
took off my shirt and then my shoes.
“But you left out in the morning and didn‘t get back here to almost
midnight.”
“I ran errands Maxine.”
“You’re lying to me. I saw your car at Tina’s Damon. You were there all
day.”
I looked at Maxine shocked and pissed. I never had a woman following
me and interrogating me and it definitely wasn’t getting ready to start
now. Tina never even did that shit.
Even if I did spend the whole morning and afternoon making love to
Tina. Maxine was over stepping her bounds. Rachel was gone all day
with her friends and wasn’t coming back until time for us to go to the
movies. I took this opportunity to be with my baby. The idea of Maxine
following me and all this damn questioning had me furious. I blew up.
Before I knew it I was in Maxine’s face.
“Look. I won’t live like this! I’m a grown ass man. I don’t have to
answer to you for shit! I go where I please when I please!” Next thing I
knew I had Maxine pinned down on the bed by her shoulders and was
shaking the shit out of her. She just had her mouth hanging open in
shock. She looked terrified. She knew she had gone too far.
“Do you understand me Maxine?” She nodded mutely.
“My fucking daughter lives there and I’m not going to be making
excuses about seeing my daughter.” I closed my eyes and shook my
head from side to side slowly. “Maxine I swear. If you ever follow me
again like that. This shit is over. You got me?” She nodded again but
this time tears started to flow. I was untouched. She kept apologizing.
And trying to coax me into sleeping with her, but I couldn’t even stand
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that thought. I even turned her down when she offered oral sex. And I
never turned that down. She didn’t turn me on in the least and it didn’t
help that Tina had done all of that and more just hours ago. Maxine was
definitely having regrets about this marriage. She thought I would grow
to love her and didn’t know she would be competing with an ex wife. I
have only one love in my life and that’s Tina. The only reason I gave
Tina that divorce is that she kept riding me and telling me how she was
so miserable. Who could deal with that day after day. Not to mention
how it wears on your self esteem to have somebody constantly telling
you that they don’t want you. I’ll never give myself to another woman
like I have to Tina.
I’m so glad I set things up for her and Rachel. No matter what
happened, their financial future was set. I stretched and rubbed my
crotch with my hand again trying to settle myself down. These thoughts
of Tina had a brother a little too excited.
“You know I can help you with that little problem.” Maxine looked
seductively at the bulge in my pants. I laughed and put my hands in my
lap.
“I‘m straight. I gotta get this done.” I pointed to the papers spread out
on my desk.
"What are you doing? You sure were deep in thought." She was acting
extremely nice today. Definitely trying to make up for what she did last
night. She started massaging my shoulders. I hated the feel of her bony
hands on me. I stood quickly pretending I was done.
"I was just signing payroll checks for this week."
She walked around my desk letting her fingers run along the edges of
my desk. She sat at one of the chairs in front of it.
“Damon can we talk?” She had this pitiful look on her face. I exhaled
loudly thinking about last night and how I definitely didn’t want to talk
about it. I just wanted to act like it never happened.
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“Maxine look.”
“Damon please.”
It always tripped me out how formal we were towards each other to be
husband and wife. Even in bed. I never spoke a word or made a sound
when we slept together. She on the other hand ran her mouth
constantly. Making it real difficult to tune her out and fantasize about
her being somebody else. She got the utmost pleasure from it. But I saw
it as a duty to lay on top of her stiff, skinny body. She didn’t excite me in
the least bit.
“What I did was wrong and it will never happen again. I had no right to
follow you like that and intrude on your privacy. I wouldn’t try to come
between you and Rachel Damon. You know that don’t you?” She wore
on my nerves with her pleading for 30 minutes. In spite of me constantly
telling her to drop it. That it was no big deal.
I walked over and placed my hand on her shoulder.
“Everything’s cool Maxine. Let’s just forget about it. Okay. It never
happened. Alright.” I threw a fake smile at her.
“Okay.” I pretended not to see the tears she wiped away. Then she
would expect me to comfort her and I wasn’t even feeling that. I started
walking away.
“Damon?”
“What Maxine?”
“Are you going to leave me behind this?”
“No Maxine. Everything’s cool. Now you said you needed me to look at
this tent they installed outside?"
As I followed her I couldn’t stop thinking about hooking up with Tina
and what excuse I could use that wouldn't send her off.
As wound up as she was about this party, I knew that the slightest thing
would get her going. And I wasn’t going through a repeat of last night.
That was too much drama for me. I never believed in all that physical
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stuff under any circumstances and I wasn’t even trying to go there again.
We would end this mess before I got that angry again.
"So is the event planner still coming by today?”
“Yeah in about an hour.”
“You know whatever choices you make are cool with me.”
Maxine’s face started tightening.
“Damon you promised to be here.”
I smiled at her and held her close. “But I would never forgive myself if I
didn't get a very special detail handled.”
"What detail?” She smiled and looked up into my eyes.
"Well that's between me and my jeweler.” I said jokingly as if I was
hiding some huge secret.
It worked. It was so easy to manipulate Maxine. The slightest show of
affection and she did whatever I wanted and believed whatever I said. I
hadn’t seen her smile like this in weeks.
"My gift?"
"Yes I have to pick up your anniversary gift." After giving her the okay
on the tent which I barely looked at, I jumped in my car and pulled off. I
blew my horn and waved to her as I drove off. I could make it just in
time to catch Tina before Rachel got home if I hurried. I let myself into
Tina’s house and started going through the refrigerator to grab
something quick to eat. I grabbed the box of Wheaties from the cabinet
and the milk from the fridge. I walked around the house eating my
cereal as I rambled through Tina’s closets and drawers. I did this at least
once a week. I trusted Tina a lot, but you could never be too careful.
Tina was a very beautiful woman and definitely had brothers waiting in
line to get with her. Some I knew. I had to step to a few of them right
after the divorce to let them know what the deal was. That we were
divorced, but if any of them stepped to Tina, they would find my foot
knee deep in that ass. I made it crystal clear to Tina that the most
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important stipulation to our little arrangement was that she had to give it
up whenever I asked her to. And that I was still the one and only man in
her life. If she broke this last rule. Losing her finances wasn’t the only
thing she would have to worry about. I would be knee deep in her ass.
Just the thought of her bringing some other dude around my daughter or
giving it up to somebody else was enough to send me into a rage. I had
to laugh out loud when I thought about what I used to take her through
when we first divorced. I would pop up at her house all hours of the
night trying to catch her up. I would take her cell phone and go through
it and question her about any number or message I found suspect. I
constantly grilled her and accused her of cheating on me.
I sometimes even followed her to make sure she was going where she
said she was. The final straw was when she broke down in tears in a
busy restaurant one night when I followed her to dinner. She was with
one of her girls and I was embarrassing the hell out of her. I sat a few
tables away making sure no men were meeting them there. Halfway
through her meal, She walked over to the table and cried and begged for
me to leave. I knew at that point that I needed to back off. That night I
realized that I was literally driving her crazy. I still kept a close watch on
Tina. I just made sure she didn’t know it. I did finally realize that Tina
really didn’t want to be with anybody else. But I still had my insecurities
though. So that’s why I still did what I called ‘a little walk through’
every chance I got.
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Chapter 2
We got to the salon 10 minutes late. I rushed in and took a seat at my
regular shampoo girl’s station. I motioned for Rachel to take a seat at the
shampoo bowl next to mine.
“Momma do you think dad loves Maxine?”
“Why in the world would you ask me that Rachel? You need to ask your
dad that. I’m sure if he married the woman and has stayed with her for
five years he must care about her.” I knew this day would come. Rachel
was picking up on what was going on around her. She knew her dad
still loved me and that his marriage was a sham. If I wasn’t sure of this,
her next statements would definitely confirm it.
“I don’t think he does. Actually he treats you more like a wife than her.”
“Why do you think that Rachel?” I tried to act like her words didn’t
effect me.
“Momma you didn’t hear the way he talked to her last night. He acts
like he can’t stand her. I mean at one point it sounded like he was
actually getting physical with her.”
“You must have heard wrong Rachel. You’re father’s not like that. He
was probably just very upset. You were too young to remember me and
your dad’s blowouts.”
Things must really be coming to a head with Damon and Maxine. I
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made light of it with Rachel but I knew things must be getting pretty
serious. I hope he didn’t hit Maxine though. I never had that problem
with him, but I do know he hates being questioned and backed into a
corner. He could get pretty hyped when he’s unhappy or feels trapped
or controlled. And Maxine was definitely the type to put on the
pressure.
But I would be very surprised if Damon hit that girl. He was never
physical but a confrontation with him would definitely leave you in
emotional pain. He knew what to say to hurt you deeply. I recalled the
painful relationship I was ending when I met Damon. It was extremely
abusive and Damon helped me get out.
The emotional pain Damon took me through was nothing in comparison
to the physical pain I endured with my first love. I remembered it as if it
had happened yesterday. Randy Black. I met him at an amateur boxing
show.
Randy was deep into the boxing profession. He judged, refereed and
prior to our breakup promoted professional and amateur boxing. He
also worked as a personal trainer. Training mainly corporate execs and
other professionals. He was so good looking I had to take a deep breath
the first time I saw him. He was huge. Randy was 230LBS. About 6’3.
And all muscle. He was lighter in complexion than I usually preferred
but he more than made up for it with his other attributes.
Flawless, clear skin, deep -set gray eyes and pouty lips.
He had a huge white smile that could light up a room. Our relationship
happened at a time in my life when I started to separate from my family
in a big way and a man that wanted to take me in and provide for my
every wish was just the ticket.
My girl Lisa Johnson was dating a guy who refereed amateur boxing. He
invited her to see him in action and to see some of the local boxing talent.
She begged me to go with her. I felt I owed it to her and agreed to go.
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Lisa had been there for me through good times and bad. I thought it was