Accepting With Grace
Mastectomy & Reconstruction ~ My Choice Before Breast Cancer
Sharon Tregoning
Copyright (c) 2009 Sharon Tregoning
All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by an information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Published by Magik Wand Media at Smashwords
Smashwords Edition, Licence Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If your are reading this ebook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the work of this author, and the not for profit organization, breastANGELS, that benefits from the sale of this ebook.
For feedback and public speaking requests, please contact:
Sharon@breastANGELS.org
Cover design by Reid Tregoning
Editing by Alex Mitchell
Sales of Accepting With Grace directly support breastANGELS.
This book is available in print, including the original images of Sharon’s surgery journey, at breastANGELS.
Print ISBN : 978-0-646-51150-4
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For the women who face the challenging choices that being at high risk to develop breast cancer presents.
May you find some assistance for your journey in these pages.
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Disclaimer
This book represents the personal experiences of Sharon and Reid Tregoning and is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to recommend a specific course of action.
The authors, publisher and distributors expressly disclaim all liability to any person for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained, for any use or misuse of any information contained in this book. The authors have made every effort to provide accurate and clear information in the book, but cannot be held responsible for any misinformation.
Information in this book is specific to the authors' journey and is not offered as medical advice.
You should consult your medical practitioner for recommendations specific to your situation.
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About the Author
Sharon Tregoning was born in Melbourne in 1969 and began her career as a bank teller. Within a decade, she had powered up the corporate ladder to become a Business Services Manager for Sensis, liaising with 15 business units in the lead up to the Y2K transition. It was through the company's Year 2000 Program that she met her husband and soul mate, Reid Tregoning. Together with Sharon's daughter, they made the tree-change to Victoria's Yarra Valley to run a boutique bed and breakfast - Forget Me Not Cottages - widely considered to be one of the state's most romantic getaways.
In 2008, the family migrated from bush to beach, settling in sunny Noosa, where Sharon and Reid established an online personal development business.
Since writing about her double mastectomy and breast reconstruction, Sharon has founded a charity inspired by her sister Bess, who died of breast cancer at age 49. breastANGELS provides funding for breast reconstruction to women who have experienced, or are at high risk of, breast cancer. Now, as she approaches 40, Sharon says she's finally found her life purpose: to empower women with breast cancer to recreate their bodies, and their lives.
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Contents
Foreward
Chapter 1 - The First Lump and Dad
Chapter 2 - Yes, I Am At Risk
Chapter 3 - The Options
Chapter 4 - Another Lump
Chapter 5 - A Thesis and A Book
Chapter 6 - Another Story
Chapter 7 - Bess
Chapter 8 - Surgery Day is Almost Here
Chapter 9 - The Surgery and The First Week
Chapter 10 - The First Month
Chapter 11 - The Next Two Months
Chapter 12 - The Universal Push and Reid's Operation
Chapter 13 - Six Month Anniversary and New Nipples
Chapter 14 - Christmas
Chapter 15 - breastANGELS is Born
Chapter 16 - Tattooing
Chapter 17 - Reid's Chapter
Chapter 18 - The Final Chapter
Acknowledgements
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Foreword
This has been my journey, my experience, my thoughts and my feelings. I share my story purely to assist ladies who find themselves in this position on their journey and also to give other people an understanding of my journey. I need to make it clear that this is all about me (and I am not someone who finds that a comfortable position!!). I do not (nor does anyone else for that matter), have the right to tell somebody what is the right strategy for their own body. I don't know if a subject could be more personal for a lady (apart from ovarian and cervical cancers), so please, dear reader, keep in mind this is my journey only.
I confess that, in parts, this story can be pretty 'in your face'. I make no apologies for this, nor do I apologise for the graphic nature of some of the photos. The whole nature of my journey has been in my face and colourful, so I didn't want to sanitise my experience. If you don't want to know what really happens, don't read on and don't look at the pictures, it's that simple. I have included the pictures, again, to assist anyone who wants to understand.
Note: Images have been removed from this ebook publication.
The book is available in print and pdf, including the original images of Sharon’s surgery journey, at breastANGELS.
There is also a chapter contributed by my husband Reid. I felt it was important that his perspective, thoughts and feelings be included. While of course I have the lead role, it has been a rugged journey for him also as the main supporting cast member and I share his insights in the hope of providing some comfort to any partners or family members of other women facing this situation.
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Chapter 1 - The First Lump and Dad
There was another subtitle to this book - originally it was going to be My Non Breast Cancer Journey. Sounds strange, doesn't it - my non breast cancer journey? Let me explain. I have not had breast cancer, I do not wish to have breast cancer, but I was at a high risk to develop breast cancer. There is an organisation in America called FORCE - Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered, that supports people at risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer. They use the term Cancer previvors to describe people like me.
"Cancer previvors are individuals who are survivors of a predisposition to cancer but who haven't had the disease. This group includes people who carry a hereditary mutation, a family history of cancer, or some other predisposing factor.... the term cancer previvor was chosen to identify those living with risk. The term specifically applies to the portion of our community which has its own unique needs and concerns separate from the general population, but different from those already diagnosed with cancer."
Their website www.facingourrisk.org contains lots of helpful resources.
Perhaps like you, I had read articles in magazines about women who had made the decision to undergo double mastectomies because they were at high risk for developing breast cancer. Up until a few years ago, I had always read these with the thought "Gee, am I glad that I don't have to make a decision like that". Yes, the irony now makes me chuckle!!
In 1998 I went to my GP as I had a lump in my left breast, near my armpit. It felt a bit like a small pill. Her first question was - "Is there a history of breast cancer in your family?" "No", I replied. I was sent for a mammogram and then an ultrasound. The lump was not visible on either test, but both technicians could feel it in the breast. So, I went back to my GP. Thankfully, she referred me to a breast specialist for further investigation.
At this stage I was almost 29 and had just split from my ex-husband a few months earlier. My daughter Bec was only two.
Mum came with me to see David, the specialist. Like my GP, he asked if there was any history of breast cancer in my family - No. He too could feel the lump, so he decided to do a fine needle biopsy.
Owwww! Did that hurt! At this stage, I was fairly nervous and my fears started to increase when he said he wanted to do a biopsy. After all, the words cancer and biopsy are synonymous. David's thinking was that, unless the biopsy came back as benign (non cancerous), I should have the lump removed. So it was an anxious few days wait for the results. The biopsy came back as inconclusive, so I went with David's recommendation to have the lump removed. I didn't want anything in me that could turn nasty.
A few days later I underwent a lumpectomy. The pain after the lumpectomy was much less than the biopsy!! The lump was then sent to pathology for analysis and came back as a benign mass. Phew, what a relief.
In June 1999, I met my amazing hubby Reid. He is my soul mate, partner, best friend and lover, as well as being one of the most generous, caring people I know. We were working together on a Year 2000 Program, a program designed to ensure that the company we were working for did not suffer any impact from the dreaded Y2K bug, when we fell in love.
A month later, Dad rang and asked to come over and talk - and my Dad never did that.
Mum and Dad had split ten years earlier, after 34 years of marriage. Dad came over after dinner and advised that he had just been diagnosed with bowel cancer and had been given 6-12 months to live. He was going to have surgery to have the tumour removed and then we should know more. Oh no.
The relationship between Dad and I had been an interesting one, but news like this tends to change everything. Dad and I were really close when I was little, but that had changed as I grew up. He was never one for expressing his emotions or what he was feeling and I never heard him tell me he was proud of me. I sensed I was loved, but he was not big on the demonstrative side.
When Dad left that night, I rang Reid to tell him what had happened. Bless him; even though it was around 9.30 at night, Reid came straight over to be with me. As we had only been together about a month at this stage, I offered Reid a leave pass - if he didn't want to be with me any more, that was OK, but he had to go right then. I didn't want to get used to having him in my life while I was dealing with Dad's illness and then have him leave. Needless to say, Reid stayed.
Dad had his surgery where they removed a six inch tumour and a couple of feet of bowel. He tried chemotherapy, but was not able to cope with the side effects.
I was really glad that I was working on such an intense project as Year 2000 Program, as it gave me a welcome distraction from what was happening with Dad. When he finally went into a hospice, it was located reasonably close to work, so I was able to visit him at lunch times fairly often.
Dad deteriorated steadily from mid December, and I started to think that he wasn't going to make it to Christmas. He did make it, however it was a pretty ordinary Christmas - Dad was mostly not 'with it'. Our Year 2000 Program was running a command centre from a couple of days before New Year to a few days after it, to ensure that the rollover to the new millennium went smoothly with no impact on the business. Both Reid and I were part of the staff during this busy time. I was worried that Dad was going to pass in the middle of things, but thankfully he didn't.
On January 5, I went to see Dad again at lunchtime. I have to confess that on previous occasions, I wasn't entirely comfortable visiting Dad, I was going out of a sense of duty. This day was different. I sat there for over an hour, just holding his hand and stroking his arm, telling him that it was OK for him to go. It was a beautiful experience.
The next morning we got a call from the hospice to say they felt Dad only had a few hours left. My mum, siblings, brother-in-law and I all gathered around Dad's bed. At times, we were joking and mucking around as if everything was normal, and at other times we fell quiet, as the reality of the moment hit us. We took turns holding Dad's hand and holding each other. Then Dad took his last breath. For some reason I can't explain, we all just seemed to know it would be his last. The experience was very peaceful and I was glad I was there. The staff came in and confirmed that yes, Dad has passed. They placed a flower with him and each of us was able to spend some final time with him.
I rang Reid and he came straight away. I spent that night at Reid's and all of the next week. Thankfully my ex looked after Bec for me. It was wonderful to be able to just be. We had a viewing for Dad, which I took Bec to. She was just over four years old, but I felt that it was appropriate for her to have a chance to say goodbye to her Pa. I had been to a viewing when my Gran passed, and also when an uncle had passed, but after Dad's I decided that I did not want to go to any more. Dad just didn't look right - his shirt was buttoned up to the neck (I sneakily undid the top button) and he wasn't wearing his glasses. The service was lovely but in a way it was a relief for it all to be finally over. We were lucky, in all it was only around six months from when Dad was diagnosed to when he passed. We did not have to suffer with him through years and years of pain as some families did, but we also had time to say the things we wanted.
Dad never really liked my ex husband, but he was able to get to know Reid a little and liked him a lot. That meant a lot to me. Shortly after Dad passed, Reid asked me to move in with him and spend the rest of my life with him - I said absolutely YES!!
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Chapter 2 - Yes, I Am At Risk
June 2002
Two years later, Reid and I were preparing to get married. Ever since the lump had been found four years earlier I had been checking my breasts monthly, and suddenly, there was another lump. Aahh!! So, it was back to the same routine as with the previous lump. The GP again requested a mammogram and ultrasound which again showed nothing. He then referred me back to the same breast surgeon. David felt the lump and decided that it was nothing to be concerned about, advising me to go and enjoy my wedding, which we did.
January 2003
My sister Bess (Liz to the rest of the world!!) was advised of a diagnosis of breast cancer - she was 44 at the time. It was devastating for all of us. Bess had a 6cm lump that did not show up on the mammogram; however it was evident on the ultrasound.
Bess underwent an immediate mastectomy, as well as chemotherapy and radiotherapy as she had a particularly aggressive cancer. She was a participant in the Herceptin trials, but unfortunately we found out later that she was on the placebo side of the trial.
I have to confess, I did not react well to all this and was actually quite selfish in my reaction - what did this mean for me? I had already had one lump removed, could I be at risk of developing breast cancer?
March 2004
Because of my concerns about the implications for me, Bess invited me to attend a familial cancer session in Melbourne, run by Peter MacCallum Familial Cancer Centre (generally known as the Peter Mac Centre). Bess's surname was Stone and as her sister, they gave me a name tag saying Sharon Stone - we both had a chuckle over that one!
We knew there was a link between breast and ovarian cancer, but we wanted to find out if there was a link between breast and bowel cancer, as this is what Dad had died from. Although the speaker advised there was no known link, they requested our family history to investigate further.
Bess got in contact with Dad's sister, who had lost contact with our family, and began to plot a family tree with details of ages and causes of death, if known. What Bess found blew us away. Five women in four successive generations had developed breast cancer, with three of them aged under 45 at time of diagnosis! So when I had been asked by the Doctors 'Do I have a family history of breast cancer?' my answer should have been definitely YES.
Not surprisingly the staff at Peter Mac wanted to see us once they received our family history. We met with them in July 2004. They advised that as Bess had breast cancer she would be eligible for genetic testing to see if they could identify either the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene mutation. This was a difficult choice, as it can impact on family members as well as having life insurance implications if a genetic mutation is identified. Bess chose to go ahead, although the results could take up to 12 months.
We were also advised that positive identification of the mutations might not be possible as they believed there were more gene mutations in existence than just the two that were known.
I was advised that, based on our family history, I was now at a high risk for developing breast cancer. It was recommended that I see a breast surgeon every six months for monitoring and undergo annual mammograms and ultrasounds. Aahh!! That joke about mammogram machines being designed by men really comes to mind. I had small breasts and they had to be tugged and coerced into the right position. Thankfully, ultrasounds were done after the mammograms and the gel went some way to relieving the pain in my breasts. To say that I was now scared would be to put it mildly, but at the same time I was really thankful I had not known about our family history when I had found my previous two lumps.
Two weeks after the meeting with Peter Mac, Reid's father Jack, passed away quite suddenly - his heart just gave out. He had not been unwell, but we knew he was getting tired of living. His wife and soul mate Ruby had passed away 10 years prior and he desperately missed her. Naturally, Reid was devastated and as an only child with no close relatives, he had no-one that could really share his grief.
We were self employed, running a busy boutique Bed and Breakfast in Victoria's Yarra Valley and were due to go interstate two weeks later for the wedding of one of my brothers - it was a really full on time.
I fell in a little bit of a heap during that holiday, what with the breast cancer, losing Jack, keeping the business going while Reid dealt with the worst of his grief, then running the business remotely while we were interstate, my brother's wedding (although the wedding was a good thing) and trying to find time to deal with my own grief about all that had happened.
I really didn't know what to 'do' with the information about breast cancer. Losing Jack had certainly put the subject of death and dying into stark relief. Jack wasn't young when he died and I knew that I did not want to die young - there were a lot of things I still wanted to do. And I did not want to leave my husband or daughter. I also realised I did not want to go through either chemotherapy or radiotherapy.
It was the full 12 months before we got the results from Peter Mac - they were unable to identify any gene mutations that could have caused the breast cancer. Bess was thrilled, me not so.
For me, it gave no clear direction. If a genetic mutation had been identified, I would then have been eligible for genetic testing and would have known one way or another if I was at an even higher risk of developing breast cancer. This result left me in limbo. Peter Mac advised that my risk of developing breast cancer was at best 30% - 40%, at worst 60% - 80%. The lady on the street has only an 11% risk. A positive result would have made my course of action clearer - if I had the mutation then my breasts were coming off, no questions asked. Now, what to do?
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Chapter 3 - The Options
I had a couple of options to weigh up - I could continue with ongoing monitoring, or I could consider a more radical approach - a double prophylactic (no, nothing to do with a condom!) mastectomy. In other words, have both my breasts removed.
What to do? Remember those articles I mentioned earlier about the women choosing to have a mastectomy before cancer? Well I was now in their shoes and oh, how I wished I wasn't.
After doing a fair amount of research, the answer became quite clear to me - I would have my breasts removed.
The research (and there wasn't a huge amount at that stage, but enough) was showing that of the women who had opted for mastectomy, with or without reconstruction, none had developed breast cancer. Of the ladies who continued with ongoing monitoring, breast cancer was detected in some. That made the choice easy for me.
In time, for me the decision to have my breasts removed was not about dying or even about the cancer itself, it was more about not wanting to put myself, hubby or daughter through cancer treatment. I had seen the effects of the treatment on Bess and I didn't want to play that game. Bess had permanent nerve damage in her feet due to the chemotherapy and horrible burns from the radiotherapy. I was confident that with monitoring, any cancer would be detected early enough to be successfully treated - however I did not want chemotherapy and/or radiotherapy. For me, this decision was about being in control. I was going to decide what would happen to my body and when. Yes, I am a control freak!!
It is important to note here that the surgery would not eliminate my risk of developing breast cancer, only minimise it. As skilled as surgeons are, they are not able to remove 100% of the breast tissue, and therefore cannot remove 100% of the risk. The current estimates are that the risk reduces to somewhere around a 1%-3% lifetime risk of developing breast cancer. With the average woman in Australia at 11% risk, reducing my odds from a possible 60%-80% down to 1%-3% sounded pretty good.
The bigger challenge was how to reconstruct. At this stage I had two options; I could have implants of saline or silicone, or reconstruction could be undertaken using some of my own tissue - generally tummy, but it can sometimes be from the back, buttocks or thighs.
I was able to contact a few ladies who had undergone mastectomy and reconstruction, two via implants and the other via 'tummy tuck'. I spoke with all of them over the phone and one of the ladies who had implants invited me over for a 'look and feel'. I was amazed at how good her breasts looked after reconstructive surgery and how they felt - rather like Nerf balls.
The feedback about the surgery and recovery was really enlightening. Obviously, the two ladies who had been reconstructed via implants had a less traumatic time than the lady who went down the tummy tuck road. They all said they were not able to lift their arms over their heads for quite a few weeks and had to lie on their backs when sleeping for quite some time. One also mentioned something surprising - round knob style door handles had become hard to use. However all the ladies indicated that the first few weeks had been really unpleasant.
In summary, the lady who had reconstructed via tummy tuck advised:
* Her surgery lasted around nine hours, with two teams operating at the same time
* She was in intensive care for the first five days, when she didn't want to move or talk to or see anybody
* Her breasts were very tight following surgery and she had a lot of pain
* She had a total of ten days in hospital
* The first six weeks were 'really ugly'
* Her new belly button was not centred
* Her left breast was too far to the left
* Her tummy healed quicker than her breasts
* By three months she was feeling much better and was fully recovered by six months
It should be noted that when there was an analysis by pathology of this lady's breast tissue, they discovered that she did in fact have breast cancer. This required further surgery within the first two weeks to remove some of her lymph nodes. This no doubt made her recovery even harder than normally anticipated.
It really was an honour to be able to speak with these women, especially to see and feel the reconstructed breasts. Thank you ladies, for sharing your journeys with me.
I did some more research on the web and found a great site based in the USA www.breastcancer.org. It details some case studies of ladies who had experienced breast cancer, showing their personal journeys and the various methods by which they had their reconstructions. There were also lots of photos which I found particularly useful.
At this stage, I had pretty much decided to reconstruct via tummy tuck. My reasons were:
* My research had indicated that implants may only have a life of 10-15 years, so I would need to have further surgery to replace them, perhaps twice or three times over my lifetime.
* I was carrying some extra weight, so there was no lack of tissue to reconstruct
* Reconstruction with my own tissue gave a more natural breast type feel
* Over time, my own tissue would start to sag, like normal breasts
* My breast size would change if my weight changed, again like normal breasts
* Using my own tissue just seemed more natural
* I wouldn't end up being an 80 year old with fabulous, perky tits!!
David recommended Howard, a surgeon who specialised in breast reconstruction, so I went along to ask him a few questions about the procedures. At the end of this consultation my mind was made up - I would go with my own tissue. Howard advised that with the extra weight I was carrying he would expect a good outcome if I went up a cup size to a C cup. Yeh!! I am normally an A cup, but with the extra weight I had gone up to a B. I had always wanted a little bit more, but wouldn't have had cosmetic surgery to achieve it. Now I was going to have a little bit more than just cosmetic surgery, but the bigger breast size was an added benefit and certainly not the main reason.
Howard drew on my body to show all the areas that he would be operating on - basically an eye shaped incision from hip to hip and from the belly button to just above my pubic hair. The skin on the rest of my abdomen would then be pulled down to cover the area and a new belly button created. They would leave muscle tissue in my tummy so I would be able to exercise to ensure I could keep that trim, taught and terrific tummy.
As for my breasts, he expected surprisingly little scarring. My nipples would be removed and a disc of skin placed in their stead. As a lot of breast cancers are ductal and the ducts end up at the nipples, they needed to be removed.
There are some nipple sparing surgeries being undertaken, but for me it was not worth the risk to keep the nipples. The incisions would go from the nipple area directly inwards to my breast bone, where my breast tissue would essentially be scraped out and the tummy tissue inserted.
All up I would be on the operating table for 8-10 hours and in hospital for 7-10 days. From my discussions with ladies who had undergone this procedure, it would be six weeks before I started to feel reasonably human and the pain really started to subside and then 3-4 months before I would start to feel normal again. It could even be 5-6 months before I recovered fully.
Not a small operation in anyone's books.
Of course, all through this process I was discussing everything with Reid. I think in some ways that what was happening was scarier for him than me. He said to me he could not even imagine having to think about what I was contemplating, but of course I had his full support.
October 2005
So, my course was clear. Now I just had to wait until we sold our business. With the expected recovery time, I did not want to have the operation while we were still running the Bed and Breakfast. I felt it would just be too much to ask of Reid - running the business and looking after me. We placed our business for sale and were planning on moving interstate to sunny Queensland. We knew that the business would probably not sell quickly, but we thought it should sell within around 12 months.
May 2006
Through the continuing liaison with Peter Mac, I was approached by kConFab - The Kathleen Cunningham Foundation Consortium for Research into Familial Breast Cancer to assist them with researching familial breast cancer.
Their study required at least five members from each family to participate in order to generate useful information, and at least one family member (preferably two) who have been affected with breast or ovarian cancer.
Participation in the study required a blood donation along with a questionnaire to be completed. I also participated in a psychological study of women from high-risk breast cancer families.
After my surgery I would donate my breast tissue to kConFab to allow them to do further research on the actual tissue. It would be analysed by the hospital's pathology department first to ensure that I didn't, in fact, already have breast cancer. I am a firm believer in providing assistance wherever I can and this exercise cost me nothing.
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Chapter 4 - Another Lump
November 2006
I found another lump. My breasts normally get a bit lumpy before my periods, so I chose to wait a period cycle and see what happened. Later that month, after my period, the lump was still there - oh no!! I felt it just before Reid left to participate in the Great Victorian Bike Ride - an eight day, 500+km ride through Victoria's picturesque High Country. Reid and I are particularly loving with each other (some would say sickeningly so) and we both miss each other desperately when we are apart. This damn lump made it much worse. Also, while Reid was away Bess had another regular visit with her oncologist. A while ago her cancer had progressed to secondary cancer in the lungs and, for a while, treatment had kept the cancer under control. But now, no longer. She was advised that she had about 12 months to live - double crap and many expletives that I will not write here!!
Reid had a rest day in the middle of the ride and I desperately needed to be with him. So Bec and I drove around 350 kilometres to see him at Myrtleford - a 71/2 hour drive to spend about five hours with Reid. It was wonderful to just feel his arms around me. Needless to say, Bess's news did nothing to ease my mind about my lump. Thankfully the Bed and Breakfast business kept me busy, and I did not tell any of my family about this lump, given the timing with Bess's news.
Reid got back from the ride in early December, when I was due to go and see David for my normal six monthly check. Reid came with me and David said he could feel the lump too - that made it real!! I was hoping that I was imagining things and there was actually nothing there. Not only did he feel it, but this time he wanted to do a biopsy - uh oh, he is not just dismissing this lump.
Normally when I met with David, I was fairly upbeat and we mucked around - "Hi David, I am here for my six monthly feel!!" This visit I was not feeling playful. Thankfully, David picked up that I was pretty fragile and was wonderfully sensitive. We then had a few days of waiting and worrying and at last the results came back - all clear.
I asked about having this lump removed, but David felt that it was not a lump we needed to be concerned about. As I was hopefully soon to have my breasts removed, he preferred not to do anything. It would be better if my breast could be as pristine as possible.
All up, there were seven weeks of worrying from when I had first discovered this lump. I had been wondering if I was having this surgery for the wrong reasons - to get great breasts and a flat tummy. Certainly, this experience gave me absolute clarity that I was having the surgery for the right reasons and the great breasts and flat tummy were just going to be a bonus. I was in no doubt that I did not want to have go through the awful worrying and waiting again.
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Chapter 5 - A Thesis and A Book
February 2007
Bess forwarded me an email she had received from a cancer support group she was a member of (I can't remember now which one - she was a member of so many) with a request from a La Trobe University student. Rebecca Conning was undertaking studies for the Master of Public Health. A core component of the course was a research thesis.
For her project, Rebecca was exploring the decision processes surrounding prophylactic mastectomy and related social experiences of women with high risk familial breast cancer. She would also be undertaking research with medical practitioners.
I thought that the project sounded interesting and as I fell into the category of participants she was seeking I contacted Rebecca to discuss what would be involved and whether I was actually a suitable candidate.
All that was required was essentially an interview about how we discovered the risk, the feelings involved, considering the options and the process of deciding to undergo the surgery.
I had a lovely initial conversation with Rebecca and yes, I would be suitable. So we arranged a mutually convenient time for her to come to our home and she could ask her questions. I found that Rebecca's questions were not overly invasive; she just wanted to gain a really clear understanding of everything involved in making a decision to remove one's breasts.
Rebecca sent me a copy of the thesis after my surgery and I was hugely impressed with the sensitivity with which she had written her thesis. I had never read one before and I imagined them to be unwieldy documents that are heavy on technicalities. There was certainly this aspect to it, but there was also a humanity about how she presented each anonymous participant's involvement.
September 2007
Bess had received another email requesting participants for a new book that was covering positive outcomes as a result on an experience with cancer. The author, Sally Collings, had lost her mother to cancer and struggled to find anything positive about the experience. However Sally had read that two out of three cancer survivors and their families considered that something good had come out of their experience.
Bess firmly believed that her breast cancer had resulted in a number of positives. We had discussed establishing a not for profit organisation to provide assistance to people who had experienced cancer - the exact nature of that assistance had not been finalised. She asked me if I would like to be involved and I readily accepted.
So we met with Sally at Bess's home. Again it was a simple interview process about the impacts of Bess's cancer and what positives had come as a result of it, both for her and me.
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Chapter 6 - Another Story
In amongst all this there is another story as well. I have battled depression in various forms since puberty, including post-natal depression, and have tried numerous means to overcome it - books, counselling, meditation and medication (which I saw as a copout, a failure) but at least I was able to acknowledge that I needed assistance. Nothing I tried solved the problem for any length of time, or for that matter made me feel I really was okay.
Around this time I wasn't really functioning well as a mother to my beautiful daughter and wonderful Reid was picking up all the slack - and there was a lot of slack to pick up. If I had to, I could bring myself to deal with customers - strangers were okay as they didn't know what I'm like normally.
I was flicking through the TV channels one day and caught the end of Oprah. In this show she had been talking about The Secret. I didn't see the whole article so I started surfing the web to find out more. The information I found caught my interest, so I ordered a copy of the DVD. When it arrived a few days later, Reid and I sat down together to watch it and we were blown away. This Law of Attraction, it seemed so simple, but so logical. I had been brought up in a Christian environment and while I no longer believed what I once had, I still believed that there were other forces or entities at work in our world.
While watching the DVD, I particularly liked Jack Canfield - co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. So, it was back to the web to do some more surfing and research. I came across a book Jack had written called The Success Principles - How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be. I thought that this sounded exactly like what I needed, so I made another purchase.
The book arrived a few days later and WOW, to say that reading the book was life changing would be an understatement. The first chapter was about taking 100% responsibility for all aspects of your life. I had always been big on accepting responsibility, so this resonated well with me. I started telling Reid how great this book was and very quickly we had to buy another copy as we both wanted to read it at the same time. Briefly, the book covers finding out why you are here, believing in yourself, challenging limiting beliefs, continually improving yourself, developing an attitude of gratitude and finding ways to serve.
My world changed immediately. I was able to see that I was the creator of my world and that my attitude was my responsibility. I chose to cease taking my anti-depressant medication, in spite of my doctor's concerns.
Now, before I go further, I have to say that this was what was right for me. I am not advocating it as the solution for everyone who has depression, but it may be of assistance to some. Some may also feel that, if I was able to start managing my depression so easily, then possibly I didn't really have depression at all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but my depression was confirmed by medical diagnosis.
I started to change how I thought about things - the glass went from being half empty to half full. I became more optimistic about things. Another big change was how I interacted with people - in particular my sister Bess.
Bess had started her own spiritual journey a few years prior and, while not pleased that she would be leaving this earth and would miss things like grandchildren, she had made peace with her fate. Bess was very particular about people not saying she was "battling cancer." She preferred to say that she was "living with cancer" - a big difference in her eyes.
I had been struggling with wanting to spend time with her while I could, while at the same time being aware that if this was not what she wanted, then I wouldn't make it a big issue. I asked Bess how I could assist her by using this Law of Attraction to manifest what she wanted - and that changed everything. Bess stated that in that moment I was completely honouring her. In time our relationship changed to one that became the most honest, nurturing, unconditionally loving relationship that I have ever known - apart from Reid of course.
Reid and I were so taken with Jack's book that we decided to undertake his week long course in America, Breakthrough to Success. Again, life changing. It sounds so cliché, but that's exactly what it was, life changing. It was also challenging emotionally, but because I allowed myself to participate, I was rewarded with the learnings.