MELODY OF THE HEART
By
Diana Mylek
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Diana Mylek on Smashwords
Melody of the Heart
Copyright © 2008 by Diana Mylek
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
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Philippians 1:27-30
New International Version ™
Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.
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MELODY OF THE HEART
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CHAPTER 1
After the last song was sung, the last note of music played; after the roar of the crowd died down, when the lights on the stage were dimmed, and the auditorium lights turned up, Evan Worthy took his last bow and walked off stage. Behind the curtain, Matt waited. And Evan knew what the first words from his mouth would be.
“So did you think about it, Evan? What did you decide?”
Matt had asked the same question every night for the last three weeks, and each night Evan gave him the same answer.
“No, Matt. Not yet.”
Tonight Matt’s plea was urgent. It was nearly August, and school would begin in September. If he couldn’t convince his brother to let him go in the next few weeks, he might lose his chance to attend high school altogether.
“I’m not asking for the world,” Matt said, alternating between anger and despair at Evan’s unwillingness to answer a simple question. “I want to be like everyone else, have friends my own age, go to a real school, maybe play on a football team. I want to be in a classroom, and go out on dates with girls who like me for me, instead of acting all friendly just so they can meet you.”
“Matt, it’s not that simple.” Evan brushed his hair back in frustration. This was becoming a regular argument between them, especially now that Matt had turned sixteen and began wondering aloud what he might be missing while living on the road in his brother’s shadow. His discontent had grown and now both of them resented the other’s stubbornness in the matter; Matt couldn’t understand Evan’s refusal to let him go, and Evan was hurt that Matt wanted to leave.
“It’s not like I can stop my career and just drop out of Christian music, Matt. There are more people than just you and Keith depending on me for their livelihoods. I have employees—my musicians, crew, and the people in the office. My records and concerts provide their living. I have to keep on singing, playing concert dates, producing enough CD’s to make payroll. Besides, it’s not a good career move to drop out when you’re at the top of your profession.”
“Couldn’t you commute back and forth? Like you do in Nashville? You’re never there enough to call it your hometown, and we hardly ever see you when we’re home anyway. Keith could stay with me. I’m old enough to take care of both him and me now. Keith wouldn’t have to do anything but be there. I won’t get into trouble.”
Evan saw his manager waving to him, indicating that the press and backstage pass holders were waiting for him. He motioned to Mitch that he would be there momentarily, and turned his attention back to his brother’s earnest plea. The look on Matt’s face made Evan feel guilty, but he wasn’t about to give in.
“I need you guys with me. We’re family,” insisted Evan. “It’s always been the three of us.”
Matt scoffed. “And your entourage of musicians, agents, back up singers, and stage hands. Fans that won’t let us near you. Security guards who don’t believe we’re part of the band. It used to be just the three of us, but that was like, so long ago.”
“God’s been good to us, Matt. I never dreamed we would get this far. However, with much blessing comes responsibility. I can’t just walk away.”
“I know, Evan. I’m not asking you to do that.” Matt sniffed and looked forlorn. “But I want a life too. I’m not being selfish. I never got to be a kid; I’ve spent most of my life on the road with you. I want to find out what it’s like before I grow up and lose my youth completely.”
What could Evan tell him? No, Matt? That he would have to relinquish his teenage years because his brother wouldn't give him the life for which he yearned? Even so, Evan had sacrificed everything to take care of his brothers, and he expected no less from them.
“Sorry, Matt. I know this is important to you, but I’ve done the best I can to give you everything. I’ve tried to be your mom, dad, brother and friend; I tried to make up for losing all of them. I did what I thought was best for you.”
Matt’s face softened. He was aware that his brother had given his life for his brothers and unselfishly cared for him and Keith at the expense of his own interests. Matt was not ungrateful.
“You were all those people to me. I’ve got everything a guy could want, as far as money and clothes and stuff. I know how hard you work, and what you did to keep us together. But bro, me and Keith, we’re grown now, and we have our own lives.”
Evan looked across the backstage area to where his other brother, Keith sat in a wheelchair waiting for Matt.
“Keith doesn’t. I can’t abandon him, Matt. He can’t work; what will he do?”
Matt’s eyes were on his brother also, but he disagreed. “Have you paid any attention to Keith lately? Have you read any of the notes he writes when we travel?”
Evan hadn’t. When would he have the time? Between the concerts, rehearsals beforehand, and work in the studio to record his latest CD he had no more than five minutes to himself in almost a year.
“So what are you trying to tell me?” Evan asked. “That Keith is a writer?”
“Songs, Evan. Good ones. Better than some of yours.” Matt frowned at his brother, and then smiled in pride for Keith. “He can’t play the piano to save his life, and he sings like a wounded animal, but he writes awesome lyrics. If you put the words to music and sang them, you would have your best collection yet.”
“You think?” Evan looked at his disabled brother in wonder, thinking about the next project that he would be involved in, writing songs for a new CD. Evan was feeling pressure already and the tour from the current CD wasn’t even over. He had yet to write one song, or even feel inspired to speak a message from his heart. Evan was tapped out, spiritually and creatively. With his hectic schedule and tour, he couldn’t seem to find more than five minutes at a time to devote himself to Bible study or prayer, let alone hear the voice of God. And going to church was simply not an option; he was in a different city almost every Sunday, with a concert each Saturday night. Even if he did manage to find a church near the auditorium, his appearance caused such a commotion in the congregation that the message was lost. What a far cry from the early days, twelve years ago when it was just him, his guitar, a couple of songs, and a fire inside him to share the gospel with a hurting world. He was the bearer of Good News, the message given to him by the Savior to whom he was devoted, and for Evan, the best way to communicate with others in a way they would remember. He was gifted, handsome, charismatic, and his voice captured the audience to whom he sang, but to Evan all these things were tools to be used in evangelism, bringing hope to a world devastated by sin. “Discovered” by a local radio station after countless concerts for youth groups and coffee houses, his natural good looks were repackaged into a more professional appearance, his voice polished to perfection; and he was presented to the record companies as the newest star on the contemporary Christian scene. Mitch, the radio personality who recognized his talent became Evan’s manager, in charge of his career, booking and publicity, and things exploded from that point. He became a major player in his record company, his face and name as common in the Christian music scene as his own personal heroes, Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith. Awards became frequent, concert halls sold out, and his music flew off the store shelves.
It was then that Evan’s life became no longer his own. Not that he minded; success was welcome, his goal all along, but he had never been a free man. From the time he was young he was helping to support his family and raise his brothers. After his father died, leaving a wife and two children, Evan assumed the role of caretaker, babysitter, and teacher for disabled brother Keith. He was the one who taught Keith to walk, encouraging him to keep moving on legs that were bent and almost useless. Frequent operations and the need for physical therapy kept Keith from regular schooling, but Evan taught him diligently from his own lessons and books. Keith was a bright and eager student, making up for his legs with a quick mind and pleasant disposition, normal in every way, except the full use of his limbs. He idolized his older brother, living his life through him as Evan played, worked, and later, sang. And Evan was devoted to Keith, then both of his brothers when Matt joined the family in Evan’s fourteenth year. His mother never volunteered the identity of Matt’s father, and Evan did not feel it was his place to ask; her death when Matt was four ended the issue anyway. She took the secret of his paternity to her grave.
At eighteen, Evan became the sole support of his family, no longer working part- time, attending school and baby-sitting for his brothers. It was in this year his career began, then two more years before it became what it continued to be until this very moment, as Evan and Matt faced each other in the backstage area of the Civic Center in Atlanta. Twelve wonderful and terrifying years. His youth was spent in both the service of the Lord, his brothers, and his fans; responsible first to his God, then his family, his record contracts, his public, and then lastly in importance, Evan himself.
“Evan! You’re making the press and your fans wait,” Mitch called from the other side of the stage, interrupting both his thoughts and the conversation with Matt. He gave a final glance to his youngest brother, who nodded in understanding and stepped aside so Evan could pass. The discussion was over for now, but far from finished. Evan went to carry out his responsibilities, and Matt retired to the back of the auditorium with Keith.
♥
A week later, they were nearing the finish of the long tour, which would wind down at the end of August. They had been on the road for the better part of five months, from city to city, to the point that cards had to be placed backstage to remind them where they were on any given night. It was important never to offend the audience, and Evan appointed Gloria, Mitch’s wife as the director of information. She gathered data about each city on the tour, such as shopping, restaurants and entertainment, in the rare event that they would spend more than one night in any place. Fairs and outdoor festivals were a favorite with the crew; though it was usually sweltering heat in the summer months, they were still able to mill around the crowd and be entertained by others between shows. This was a better option than playing cards on the bus or wandering around the concert hall. The crew was a close group, committed to Evan, each other, and the God they served, but boredom was unavoidable with the hurry-up-and-wait life they lived between concerts. Any chance to get away, even for a few hours was a welcome relief from the routine of set up, tear down, and travel.
Evan demanded perfection in his concerts; everything onstage had to be flawless, like clockwork, from lights and sound to music, videos, even Evan’s “casual” talk between songs. Though it seemed like he was sharing from his heart, it was actually a carefully scripted monologue that changed little from town to town. Evan was deadly serious about presenting the Gospel in an earnest but compelling presentation; and now that he had the wording just right, he refused to alter it in any fashion. His crew was not allowed to ad-lib, comment or vary from the routine, and they knew that if they valued their job, dissent was not an option.
Of course, Evan couldn’t control everything, and on every one of his tours, problems appeared that were quickly dealt with. However this, Evan’s fifteenth concert tour was more plagued with trouble than any of the others to the point that he wondered if God was trying to send him a message. Just before the tour began, the band that was opening for him broke up, and Mitch had to scramble to replace them on short notice. At Mitch’s suggestion, Evan allowed a young group new to the record label to travel with him. It turned out to be a great idea for both Evan and the other band; Evan was a big enough draw that he didn’t need an opening band, but the exposure for the up and coming group was priceless to them. Long ago, someone had done the same for Evan, and it pleased him to return the favor. About halfway into the sixty-city tour, one of the equipment vans was involved in an accident, and it took three more concerts to get the equipment replaced. This meant no light show, no videos, just a real music concert, somewhat a regression to when Evan first began singing. He put his heart and soul into these three concerts to give his audience their money’s worth, but still felt he was cheating the crowd.
Now the tour was in its last fifteen dates, the stomach flu was working its way through the entire crew, from stagehands to musicians, sparing no one, not even Evan himself. Last night he took the stage after three full days of stomach flu, so weak that he could barely stand, his voice failing him by the end of the concert. Digital music saved the day. Though loath to lip sync his songs, it was necessary in order to finish the concert, so Evan abandoned his own rule and faked it during the last half hour of the show. It would never happen again he vowed, but even as he took the stage to begin tonight’s concert, smiling and waving to the crowd, encouraging them to lift up the name of Jesus, his guitar player suddenly lurched forward. The man, Joe, was caught by stagehands before he hit the floor and carried off, leaving them without one of the musicians for the whole show. Matt jumped in to take his place; Matt, who only knew three cords but who could play air guitar like a pro and digital music was once again put to use. Evan turned panicked eyes to his technicians, who smiled and gave him the thumbs up, this time ready to cover for the ailing musician.
“Lawrence,” Evan said to the bass player as they ran off stage between songs, “If you drop over on me, I’m in real trouble.”
Lawrence laughed but didn’t dare tell his boss that he spent the last hour before the show losing his dinner in the arena’s bathroom and was even now about to repeat the act.
Moreover, between the sets, when Evan went to his dressing room to change, he found his wardrobe mistress/hairdresser/makeup person, Moira locked in the bathroom, one more casualty of the virus that now had reached his whole crew. Fortunately, Keith had been ill early on and was over it, so he now stood in the dressing room, holding Evan’s next set of clothes.
“You’re on your own, as far as makeup and hair,” Keith informed him with a grin, handing his brother a new shirt.
“As long as my hair is decent I’m fine,” Evan replied, throwing off his sweaty clothes and replacing them with cool fresh ones. “That’s two more sick today. Man, this has been some tour.”
Keith limped slowly to the dressing table and found the towel Moira used to wipe sweat from Evan’s face. He threw it to his brother and waited while Evan hurried to ready himself for the next set.
“Thanks, bro,” Evan said as he finished his preparation and turned for the door. “Did you see Matt on stage?”
Keith laughed again, slapping at his withered legs. “We have it on video. All of us back here about busted a gut.”
“I almost forgot what I was saying,” Evan chuckled. “I think he was in his glory.”
“Finally Matt's getting the recognition that he thinks he deserves,” teased Keith.
Evan paused to take a deep breath before he opened the dressing room door. “See you afterward.” He went to the bathroom and knocked. “Hope you feel better, Moira.”
A loud groan was her only reply.
♥
The second set went smoothly despite the loss of another stagehand that succumbed during intermission. As the last song ended, thunderous applause rang through the concert hall, and leather-clad Bikers for Christ kept order while Evan slipped off stage to his dressing room to clean up and change. Matt and Keith were waiting to help him take off his makeup and calm down after the frantic show. Moira lay on the sofa with a wet towel on her head, moaning.
“Don’t leave the lids off the soaps and creams,” she croaked feebly.
“Yes, boss,” Matt answered dutifully as he closed the jars and threw Evan’s dirty towels into a bin.
Mitch knocked, and entered without waiting for an answer. “Ten minutes, Evan. You’ve got interviews with two separate radio stations, a group of teenagers who won backstage passes, some local pastors—they financed the show—and a woman who says God told her to marry you.”
“Again?” Evan shook his head in wonder. “There’s one in every city, I swear.”
Mitch smiled crookedly. “Well, if you’d get yourself married this wouldn’t happen.”
“As if a woman would be brave enough to take on the three of us,” Evan nodded to his brothers.
“Only about a thousand, so far,” Matt quipped. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to at least check out this latest female.”
Evan snorted. “I have no time in my life for myself, let alone a woman. Do you realize how much maintenance they require?”
“Tell me about it,” confided Mitch. “They need to be fed daily, you have to clothe them and to top it off they want you to talk to them once in a while! It’s a never ending nightmare.”
“I’m telling Gloria,” grumbled Moira from the sofa. “If I live through this night, I swear I will avenge all women.”
“I think we’re safe,” laughed Evan. “I’m ready. Where’s Keith’s wheelchair?” He kept it handy, for whenever speed was important. Despite the difficulty, Keith preferred to walk, but used it obediently when Evan wanted to be somewhere quick.
Matt brought the chair for Keith as the group moved to the area backstage that was set up with tables of food, an area for interviews, and another area for the crew to relax after the performance. Mitch first took Evan to meet the teenagers, who squealed with delight and gushed to the men how excited they were to meet their hero. Evan then posed for photographs with any who asked, signing shirts, posters, CDs and whatever else the kids brought. He spent time with each young person, listening intently to his or her excited chatter. This was his favorite part of any tour, meeting fans backstage. Suddenly one of the girls squealed again, and made a beeline for Matt.
“Aren’t you, like, the guitar player?” The young woman inquired. “You were awesome!”
“Oh, thanks,” replied Matt with a wink to his brothers. “I don’t really play much.”
“Could I get your autograph?” she asked, pushing a CD in front of him.
Matt accepted her pen and signed his name, Matt Beers.
“Your last name is Beers?” asked the girl, twirling her long, straight hair with a finger.
“Yeah, I guess me and my brother are a couple of Beers.” He gave her the CD.
“My last name is Kidder, Kelly Kidder,” the young girl said. “It so lame, saying I’m a real Kidder. I hate it.”
Matt laughed. “I guess we don’t have much of a choice for our names. Except Evan. He changed his last name to Worthy.”
“Oh, I wondered,” said Kelly. She smiled at Matt. “Our youth pastor is taking us to Denny’s when we’re done here. Do you want to go along?”
Did he ever. “Evan?” Matt asked.
“I…don’t think so,” Evan answered slowly, frowning. He was wondering how Matt would get home, and if fans would follow his brother to the hotel when he returned. If that happened, they may never get any rest tonight.
Matt was aware of his concerns. “Please? I’ll have someone drop me back at the bus.”
Evan relented. Matt knew so few people his own age. Maybe this would satisfy his need for the company of his peers.
“Who’s the youth pastor?” Evan asked. “I need to talk to him.”
Kelly and a friend went to find their fearless leader, dragging him backstage just as Evan was beginning an interview with The FISH-FM radio.
“This is pastor Sykorski,” said Kelly, interrupting Evan as he spoke. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay,” Evan assured her. “Pastor, my brother wants to go along with your youth group to Denny’s. Can he ride with you? I’ll have someone claim him when you’re finished.”
“Of course,” replied the pastor, who was barely older than his charges. “We’d be glad to have him. We always go out to eat after concerts. All this dancing makes the kids hungry.”
“Standing still makes teenagers hungry,” laughed Evan. “Don’t let him eat more than his weight in food.”
“Tyrant,” snarled Matt, messing up Evan’s hair. Evan took a swipe at his brother and dismissed him, turning back to his interviewers.
“Sorry. He has a better social life than I do,” Evan apologized.
“That’s because I’m the good-looking one,” Matt called back.
The interviewers laughed politely as Evan gave Matt a dirty look and shooed him away.
♥
Keith took his normal place at the fringes of the crowd, watching his brother charm the public with his wit and candor. He was enormously proud of Evan, and not a little jealous of the way women drooled over him, men wanted to be near him, and even children found him captivating. Evan had it all, the looks, the voice, the brains. And working legs. Keith lived his life through his brother, trying to be content in his shadow, convincing himself that this was the best for which a damaged person like Keith could ever hope. Still he harbored an unspoken desire to enjoy the things he would never have—a home of his own, a job, and a woman to love him. He never let on, never complained, never told anyone except in his prayer time late at night as he waited for sleep to overtake him. God, he would pray, could there be just one woman who might look past my useless legs and find the person I am inside? I’m a man, just like any other and I long for someone to share my heart and life. Nevertheless, Keith was a realist, he knew it was not likely, and besides he knew from experience that even if a woman should show even the slightest interest in him, once she met Evan, it was all over. Evan eclipsed everything; no normal man could measure up to Keith’s brother, let alone a cripple like himself. Keith resigned himself to life as it was.
Keith wheeled the chair to the food table and filled a plate for himself. His arms were strong and muscular from years of using the chair and supporting himself when he walked. For sport, Keith would arm-wrestle the men in the crew; he could beat any of them, and this was the only accomplishment of which he might boast, though he chose not to. He saved any proud talk for his brothers. Tonight, however, he was lost to the shadows, left alone to fill his stomach and later, retire to the bus to wait for his brothers to join him for the drive to the hotel.
I am very blessed, Keith reminded himself as loneliness settled over him. Evan didn’t have to take care of us after mom died, and he certainly didn’t have to take us on tour and provide for Matt and me all these years. He gave his life for the two of them, narrowing his chances for marriage, a home, whatever, but Evan never complained, at least to Keith. He was a star in the Christian world, at the top of his profession. Hard work was only a small part of his success; he seemed blessed by God, anointed really, and everything he put his hands to flourished. He wrote, sang, performed, and each of his projects were eagerly awaited, sometimes sold out before they even hit the shelves. Keith shook his head in wonder as he thought what a wild ride the last twelve years had been with him and Matt enjoying the benefits of their brother’s accomplishment. If Evan chose to, they could all live in luxury with Keith and Matt’s needs taken care of before they asked. Evan made sure they wanted for nothing, but his own needs were simple and he was too busy to enjoy the benefits of his tremendous income. Keith and Matt asked for very little also, all they wanted was to be comfortable while they traveled.
Keith turned on the television, but with only antennas on the top of the bus, choices were few. So he rifled through the books they brought to read, finding nothing new. All that was left for him was hours of boredom. He found a pen and began to pour his heart into a poem that might eventually become a song, if he could find someone to compose the music. He was as hopeless with music as his legs were at running.
♥
Matt was having more fun tonight than all year. He was the center of attention, a celebrity, and the teenagers fought for his attention. At first he was overwhelmed, then he remembered what his brother did in this situation and following Evan’s example, Matt answered each person individually, as if he or she were the only one in the room. Most of the group wanted to know about his brother, but Kelly was most interested in Matt, which pleased him immensely. Before he left, Matt vowed he would trade Internet names with her so they could keep in touch. He also paid for her meal, and promised Kelly a free shirt when he returned to the concert hall. She reminded him that Evan said he would send someone to get him at the restaurant, so he called Keith on his cell phone and arranged to supply shirts for all ten of the youth. Keith warned Matt that Evan would have a cow, but Matt said he would smooth it over when he returned. So Matt spent the next hour in pleasant conversation with people his own age. However, instead of satisfying him it only whetted his appetite for fellowship with his peers, to live in a real neighborhood, walk to a friend’s house, ride a bus to school, be part of a youth group. He dreamed of driving his own car instead of being driven, taking a girl out on a date. Listening to the other teens’ casual talk, and knowing this was normal for them, Matt could only sigh and wish he was simply one of the guys. At home, or rather the apartment in Nashville where Evan and his brothers lived when not on the road, Matt was the youngest resident of the building, and his closet friend was old enough to be his grandfather. There was no one for Matt except Keith and Evan, and though he loved his brothers, he longed to have a friend his own age. I have to convince Evan to let me go, he said silently. It’s the most important thing in the world to me right now.
♥
Evan was still in the concert hall when Matt returned and it looked like he wouldn’t be done anytime soon, so Matt went to the bus to wait with Keith until they were able to proceed to the hotel.
“What are you working on?” Matt asked Keith as he entered the bus. The older man stared at a piece of paper with such intensity he didn’t notice his brother and was startled at the sound of his voice.
“Dude, you scared me,” Keith gasped, and handed Matt the paper he was writing. “I’ve written the words, but I can’t for the life of me imagine a tune.”
“Keep it with the others,” Matt suggested. “Someday you’ll find someone who can put these words to music. This is really good, Keith. Totally. You should show it to Evan.”
Keith shook his head. “No, it’s just something I do to pass the time. He wouldn’t be interested.”
“Serious, Keith. This is better than Evan.” Matt made a mental note to talk to his brother. Keith would never do anything to draw attention, and it was up to Matt to get him the credit he deserved. And if Evan used the songs, Keith would earn royalties, an income of his own. Matt knew Keith better than anyone did; they spent countless hours together. Though Keith never admitted to it, Matt knew his brother wanted to prove himself productive as everyone else but his disability defeated him. Writing was something that Keith could do better than fully functional men of any age, but Keith measured his worth in physical ability.
“Do you mind, bro, if I take this and read it tonight?” Matt tucked it into his pocket before his brother could object. He planned to show Evan a whole stack of papers with Keith’s writing on them. Maybe his older brother would see the value of the lyrics, and have confidence that Keith could earn enough to live apart from Evan—in a house with Matt, of course. They could never truly separate, Keith did need care. However, it wasn’t necessary for Keith and Matt to be with Evan constantly; they could take care of each other and leave their older brother free to do his job without worrying about them.
“Keith, can I ask you something?” Matt said, seating himself across the table from his brother.
Keith smiled and waited. He too knew the desire of Matt’s heart. It wasn’t as if it was a secret; lately it was all his brother talked about.
“Don’t you ever get tired of life on the road, never sleeping in the same place more than a few days? Don’t you wish we could have a home, one home like everyone else?”
Keith tried to think of a fresh way to answer the questions Matt asked him repeatedly. “I guess I don’t think about it much,” he replied, folding his hands and resting them on the tabletop, then moving again to brush a lock of his sandy blonde hair out of his eyes. “This is the only life I’ve known since Mom died, and before that we struggled so hard just to live that this is like a permanent vacation. But eventually, yeah, I would like to get off the road and settle down, have a normal life. I just don’t see it happening any time soon.”
Matt looked at his brother earnestly, his dark eyes intense. “What if we did, you and me? I know mom left insurance money for us, and it’s been in trust all these years. We wouldn’t have to ask Evan for a thing.” He leaned forward and his voice took on an urgent tone. “What if we bought a small house, just big enough for you and me, and stayed there while Evan tours or whatever? I could go to high school, a public one so it wouldn’t cost anything, and I’d get a job, maybe you too, and we’d support ourselves, live in a neighborhood, Keith, and go to church on Sundays. What do you think about that?”
“I think it sounds terrific,” Keith admitted. “But you and I both know Evan would never agree; he wants us to stay together. He doesn’t want to be apart from you and me.”
“He’d miss us for sure,” Matt said. “But so what? He barely sees us as it is, between concerts, recording in the studio and running his company. He could keep in touch with us by phone or computer, and he could fly home whenever he gets time.”
“Sounds like you have it all worked out.”
Matt grinned. “I do. I’ve been thinking about this forever, about a year now.” He leaned back on the seat, and reached for a map he had left on the tabletop. “I even picked the town, see?” He handed Keith the map and pointed to a city in northern Indiana.
“My online friend KiriMe lives there and goes to public high school. Her family belongs to a church with an awesome youth group that meets every week and sits together at church, then goes out to eat every Sunday after service. I want that for me.”
“Actually,” Keith said, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the map, “I would like that too. A home, friends, church, maybe a job…” His voice trailed away. Who would hire him? Keith shrugged off his despair and looked at his brother with determination. “I’ll make a deal with you, Matt. If Evan agrees—I’m sure he won’t—but if he does, I’ll go with you.”
“You mean it?” Matt held his breath.
“Yeah.” Keith nodded his affirmation. “I’d like to have a home again. I remember our old house in Ohio, and the smell of Mom’s cooking. I’m game. If and I mean if you can convince Evan.”
“I will, watch me.” Matt rose from the table and went back into the concert hall to find his older brother. The crew was finished tearing down the stage gear and equipment, all stacked neatly by the exit to be loaded onto the truck. They would leave within the hour and travel to the next town, where they would sleep and then start the process of setup all over again for the following day. Mitch and Evan sat in a semi-circle talking quietly with the pastors who had sponsored the show. As usual, Evan charmed them and made his promoters feel that it was his pleasure to serve them. Matt moved past the group, hoping to catch Evan’s attention, but he was intent on the discussion, so Matt kept going into the darkened auditorium. A movement in the shadows startled him, but he recovered quickly when he saw it was a woman, perhaps in her late twenties or so, sitting in a seat, twisting her hands nervously. This must be the woman who believed God spoke to her. Matt moved to her side and sat.
“Hi, I’m Matt,” he said softly as not to frighten her. She bit at her lips and swallowed rapidly.
“Do you know how much longer it will be until he’s free?” The woman asked in a quavering voice. Matt wondered how she got past security. Some halls offered no protection at all to the performers.
He shrugged. “They’re letting him talk. He could be all night.”
She managed a small laugh. “I just need a minute of his time, really. It’s important.”
Matt nodded. “He’ll see you as soon as he can, honest. He has to acknowledge the pastors and people who invited him here to sing. They pay his salary.”
The woman looked apologetic. “I’m sorry to be so impatient, but I have to be to work early in the morning.”
Matt usually didn’t go to bed until morning. “He’ll meet with you when he’s done, I’m sure. Do you want me to wait with you?”
“I feel so foolish, but who am I to disobey?” She took a deep breath and sighed. “I’ve never done anything like this before, but God spoke to me and here I am.”
“What did he say?” asked Matt, though he already knew the answer.
“He told me…” She hesitated, her fear showing on her face. “…To marry Evan Worthy and give him children. It sounds crazy, I know.”
Matt acted nonplused. “And He said to meet him here?”
“Well, I won tickets to the concert, so I knew that was confirmation.” The woman looked away. “My husband thinks I’ve lost my mind.”
Matt’s eyebrows rose. “You’re married?”
She blushed. “Yes, but only on paper. It’s just a technicality.”
Matt managed not to laugh aloud and embarrass her; she was doing it all on her own. “Ma’am, I have to tell you. Evan is my brother and I know he would never take a woman away from her husband no matter what anyone says. He’s like, a scholar of the Bible, and he says God hates divorce.”
“I’ve read that too. But God must know what he’s doing.” She didn’t look at all certain.
Matt answered gently, “No disrespect, but God would not tell you to divorce your husband for any man, let alone Evan. Maybe you should go home and pray about it, 'cause you might have like, screwed up.”
The woman sighed. Relief? Matt couldn’t be sure.
“I think I’ll do that, thanks,” she said, rising from her seat. “I can always catch up with Evan in Detroit.”
“That sounds reasonable.” Matt stood too and waited while she left, then, shaking his head, found his way back to the stage. The gathering of pastors was breaking up, and Evan shook each of their hands as they left.
“I’m starving, Matt!” Evan called when he was free. “Did they leave any food for me?”
“Your crew?” Matt answered doubtfully. “I should have brought something back with me.”
“Did you have a good time?” Evan checked his watch as he put his arm around his brother.
“The best. Wait till I tell you about it.”
“Let me eat first.” Evan grabbed his things and headed out to the bus. “Charles! Let’s hit Taco Bell’s drive thru on the way to the hotel.” He messed Matt’s hair. “Then I want to hear all about your night.”
Matt pushed his brother away and combed at his hair. “Think you should be eating such greasy food right after you had the flu? Your stomach might not be able to handle it.”
“No, I feel great,” Evan assured him. “I haven’t eaten in two days. I’m so hungry I could eat ten tacos.”
Matt was not impressed. “Make sure you keep your bathroom light on tonight. You’ll probably be driving the porcelain bus later.”
“And I’m not cleaning up after you,” Keith called from inside the bus. “I’m beginning to feel like a nurse to all of you.”
“I’m hoping we’re finally done,” Evan said as he boarded. “I can’t believe this tour.”
Matt and Keith agreed. The end couldn’t come soon enough for any of them, but for different reasons.
♥
CHAPTER 2
Sleeping in a hotel was not always an option, but it was preferred over the bus whenever they were able. Keith needed the whirlpool for the pain in his legs, and Matt liked to swim whenever possible. And it was better for Internet access than the bus. Often he couldn’t arrange to get a connection from outside a building, and Matt liked to keep in touch with his friends, especially KiriMe. Tonight it was too late to contact her so Matt followed his brothers to the pool area and sat in the whirlpool with them until Evan returned to the room to take care of business.
“It’s just you and me again,” commented Keith.
“It always is,” replied Matt. “I don’t know how he can stand being so busy all the time. I’d go ballistic if everyone was after me every waking moment.”
Keith moved so the bubbles could soothe his legs. “He buries himself in his work. Evan wouldn’t know what to do with spare time, so he doesn’t allow himself any.”
“Well, we haven’t had a vacation in like, ever,” Matt grumbled as his body floated upward in the swirling water. “I mean, we’ve been everywhere but all I’ve seen is hotels and the back doors of concert halls.”
“A vacation for me would be staying at home, sitting on the porch watching the sun rise and set.” Keith leaned against the edge of the hot tub and closed his eyes.
Matt slid next to his brother and crossed his arms over the edge of the pool. “That’s what I mean, Keith. You and I are tired of living out of a suitcase. Let’s get a house.”
“In Indiana.”
Matt nodded. “I’ll show you some houses I’ve found on the Web.”
“School starts soon, though. How would we get settled by then?”
Getting a house and moving was the easy part, thought Matt. It was convincing Evan that would take time. “I’m praying about it. God can do anything. Evan listens to him, not the other way around.”
“Don’t be too sure,” teased Keith. “Evan’s been the boss of this family for a long time. Even God knows that.”
“God and everyone else,” agreed Matt.
♥
When Elizabeth Beers died suddenly almost thirteen years ago, none of her children was able to say goodbye or be with her in her last moments. Though stricken with grief, Evan took care of all the funeral arrangements, insurance papers, probate, and became the legal guardian of his younger brothers. All of them were devastated by the loss of their mother, but Evan was determined to take care of his brothers and make up for her loss if at all possible. He was already playing guitar for his church and in coffeehouses around the county, in addition to his full time job and school, but when Mitch entered his life, things changed abruptly. Mitch convinced Evan that his future was in Christian music, and the need to support his brothers, coupled with his desire to keep his family together at all costs, helped him to decide to jump into the music arena with both feet. What a better way to earn a living than to do what he loved best, spread the good news of Christ’s redeeming love in song, and at the same time have enough money to take care of his brothers? At first, Evan envisioned himself with buckets of money, he and his brothers living in comfort, but two years later, after numerous gigs, hours of auditions, appearances at too many churches to count, and love offerings that might get him a tank of gas if he was lucky, Evan nearly despaired of ever supporting his brothers with his music. Then it happened. Almost over night, in fact, when a well-known performer took a shine to him and allowed Evan to open for her at a concert. He had been praying and fasting (he couldn’t afford to feed all three of them anyway), seeking God for his future. The hand of God moved for him, a record company in Nashville invited him to audition, and the rest, as they say, was history. For everyone but him. Evan sweated over every word of his songs, each note, every single chord of music. He did everything expected of him, meeting with fans, press, and endless concerts. He let them change his hair, his clothes, even the way he talked, whatever it took to become the success he was today, all so that his brothers, who had struggled alongside him could find comfort and ease in their lives. Nothing mattered more than they, except the God who kept all of them in His care, and everything Evan did was for and because of them. And, as if God had personally ordained it, Evan’s music sold, sold, sold. He wrote songs, one after another, enough to fill ten CD’s in his first few years alone. Some were even now being used as worship choruses in churches, and there was barely any who had not heard his name at least once. Evan was Christian music. He learned early in his career what was expected of him, and used every tool God had given him for both his advantage and for the furthering of the Gospel. He was charismatic, personable, connected with his audiences, and never forgot where he came from or who helped him get to where he was. Or that his success and the future of his company depended on one person alone—Evan Beers, now Evan Worthy. He was his own industry, and his hand was in every aspect of his career from publicity to sales; success or failure, he was responsible for both. Although he was very careful about whom he hired to work for or with him, when the rubber hit the road, it was all Evan Worthy, and he did not take this lightly.
Evan felt as strongly about his brothers. He was unquestionably the head of the family, the provider, parent, and role model for both Keith and Matt, and kept a close watch over both of them. It was Evan’s duty to see that they were properly fed, clothed schooled, and that Keith received proper medical care. When Keith needed surgery on his legs, Evan stopped everything until he was well enough to travel again, and then resumed his career, even more of a hero because of the sacrifice he made for his brother. Matt was the unofficial mascot of the record company, a mischievous but adorable scamp, almost a miniature Evan in looks, but with a much more refined sense of humor. While Evan was all business, Matt was all play, and his antics kept everyone around him in laughter. Evan despaired of ever taming his wild little brother, but as Matt matured, he learned to bring attention to himself in ways that left his older brother with most of his signature hair.
And since Evan worried constantly about his brothers, he allowed no one to hurt or humiliate them in any way. All the people who toured with Evan were his employees, and answered to him alone. So when one of the stage hands on his third tour complained to Evan that Keith’s effort to help the crew set up the stage was causing the rest of them to slow, and that he was constantly in the way, Evan agreed that there was too many workers on stage and promptly fired the man. Keith argued for the man’s job, saying he was in the way, and he would find something else to do, but Evan would not be swayed. He said that employees were replaceable, but Keith wasn’t, and sent the man home with a one-way bus ticket and severance pay. It was the only time Evan had ever fired anyone, and it left him shook for days, though he didn’t allow the others to know how upset he was. The rest of the crew learned fast not to cross Evan’s family if they valued their job. Instead of being thankful that Evan had defended him, Keith then felt helpless, useless, and tried his best to be invisible the rest of the tour. He and his slow, painful gait stayed hidden in the shadows, his disability reminding him daily of how much of a burden he was to not only himself, but also Evan and all the others. He offered to drop out of the tour and wait for Evan in Nashville but his brother would not hear of it and declared the discussion over.
“You’re staying with me, and that’s final,” Evan said at the time. “No one is breaking up our family.”
Evan then hired someone to take care of Keith on the road, which only made the brother sink further into despair. Though his walk was slow and painful, he valued what little freedom he had, and the nurse took it upon herself to see that he wasn’t left alone for a moment, or move a muscle for himself. His mental attitude deteriorated and so did his health, and it wasn’t until Matt intervened and convinced Evan to get rid of the nurse that Keith was able to pull himself out of his slump. Once the nurse was gone life returned to normal, as much as it could be for Keith. He was himself again, happy, content, uncomplaining, and Evan breathed a sigh of relief. Because in the back of Evan’s mind he wondered just how long Keith would actually live, if his disability were only the first of his medical problems. Years later, Keith was robust, healthy, for which Evan thanked God; his only real problem was his inability to walk. Even so, Evan kept a close watch on his brother.
♥
It was nearing four in the morning, bedtime, so Keith and Matt found their way back to the rooms while the rest of the hotel slumbered or woke to begin their day. The men would sleep all morning and awake somewhere around noon. The room that Evan occupied opened into his brothers’, and the door was never locked to them. Both Matt and Keith said goodnight to Evan, then went to their beds. Evan was tired also, but with this tour soon to end, it was necessary for him to plan the next phase of his career, and that was a new CD. Tonight, however he was staring at the wall, his mind blank—no words, no tunes, and no inspiration. Nothing. He felt empty, spiritually bankrupt, something he hadn’t experienced in twelve years. Is this what my life has come to—so busy doing God’s work I haven’t any time for Him?
Evan sighed and massaged the back of his neck with his hand. Pressure. Always the pressure to produce, to make the next CD better, more stunning than the previous. So much was riding on his success; not his income, he could live comfortably with past record sales, concerts and his investments. However, the rest of his employees depended on his accomplishment; they were not rich, just trying to raise their families. Mitch represented only him, though there was talk of his branching out into other areas. Evan and he had tossed around the idea of owning a recording studio and record label. One would lead to the other, they hoped. And there was a good friend, the man who owned the studio in which Evan recorded, who was very close to retirement, and had hand picked Evan to buy the studio if and when he did retire. That was in the future, however and for now, many people depended on him, expected perfection from him, and looked to him for answers.
“What would they think if they saw me now?” Evan wondered aloud.
“Did you call me?” Keith said from the other room.
“Just talking to myself,” Evan assured him.
“That’s comforting,” Matt remarked. “Now you’re your own audience.”
“Always was,” chuckled Keith as he rolled in the bed and pulled the covers to his chin.
Evan turned out his light and lay on top of the bedcovers, waiting for his brothers to fall asleep so he could relax and rest. He never retired for the evening without being sure his brothers were safely in bed; he needed to know for his own peace of mind that they were well. Matt was on the verge of adulthood, and needed his older brothers’ guidance more than ever; this ludicrous idea of quitting the tour and buying a home made Evan bristle. How could he ensure their safety and care if he was not with them? What about Keith? Who would watch him for medical problems, and see that he received appropriate treatment? What if he fell and couldn’t get back up? Evan shuddered, and knew he could not live with himself if anything happened to Keith or Matt; he was responsible before God for both of them. He could not fail them, not now, not ever. They were everything to him, and more important to Evan than his own being, and if that meant that he would not have a life of his own, then so be it. He harbored no illusions about having a wife or family; Evan was raising the one he did have, this was what God had called him to do. He would not admit to anyone, even himself how utterly alone he felt, how inadequate, how much he ached for someone to comfort him. Only in his most unguarded moments did this thoughts surface, to be brought under submission by strong discipline. He reminded himself that any woman who married him would become a mother of sorts to the other two, and he couldn’t imagine any woman wanting to take on a ready-made family of adults—a teenager in need of discipline and guidance and a disabled man who could never live on his own. It was unfair even to expect someone to be willing to give her life for the three of them and offer nothing in return. Therefore, Evan resigned himself to the love of his brothers and what he could receive from the fans that lavished attention on him. It would have to be enough, and maybe someday, by the grace of God, this aching, gnawing wound he called loneliness would disappear, and he wouldn’t have to fight it anymore. He wasn’t the first man of God called to a life of sacrifice, and it wasn’t too much to ask when he weighed it against what Jesus Christ had done for him. Keep busy, he told himself, so busy that you fall asleep on your feet, and this will keep your thoughts at bay.