1/26/2010
The Child of Events!
By:Sir Teymur Roshdi
Smashwords Edition
Copyright2010-Sir Teymur Roshdi
1
To elaborate the events of my life and all the accidents which happened to me , I should refer to the early years of my childhood. The events after the third anniversary of my birth are astonishingly clear enough in my mind to explain them , but what I know about the period before this time I learned it later by the tales my father told me .
I was born in between of a conjugal struggles which happen usually after some years of marriage, and after my older sibblings , a girl and a boy , as the third child of my parents. Based on what my father told me in his old age, my mother cherrished too much her two childs, especially her first baby boy who was born after many years of awaiting , but she didn 't feel happy of my birth which seemingly bothered her , maybe because of a sort of tiredness or a sort of depression that many mothers experience after giving birth. As a result of this condition , my mother rejected me since the beginning and instead of feeding me she fed my two years old brother who still was fed by mother-milk . As a baby I was put away and instead of milk I was fed by tea , few times a day. When my father noticed that I was ignored by my mother tried to find a solution . Accidently in our neighborhood lived a young woman who had lost her baby after some weeks and when she learned that my presence in the family was a charge , she accepted eagerly to feed me and taking care of me . She was a very kind and caring woman and did all she could to keep me alive and nurturing me . But after few months her motherhood milk dried because of undernourishment and poverty , so she just fed me with some poor soup . This sort of diet caused gradually my weakness complicated by baby illnesses . The young woman who could not understand what was happenning to me because I was just in some coma and spent my last hours , was afraid of the responsibility of my death , brought back my dying little skinny body to my father's home. My parents after seeing my skinny shape which was about to passing away , ignored me and waited the aftermath .
It seems that I was not supposed dying as a baby , because I was saved in a 'miraculous' way , just by coming of an aquaintance of my father who was a student in the medicine university . The young student after socializing with my parents noticed suddenly my critical condition and after becoming conscious that my parents are completly hopeless about me and considered me as a terminal case took my dead body to the hospital for some analysis .
At the hospital , my 'dying' body became an interesting subject for medical studies and the cure of babies illnesses. The various sort of tests and examinations plus effective cure with medications and a regulated diet saved me from the fatal illness and my condition became progressively stable and normal . Because in that hospital I was called 'the abandoned baby' and because no one came visiting me , one of the nurse adopted me out of compassion as her child and took care of me. She lived in the hospital and fed me with the food of the hospital and when she was not there and leaving the hospital for a while , the other nurses were taking care of me. So I spent my early life in that hospital and I have been called 'the child of the hospital'. These were my first steps in the stream of life .
2
Until the age of three I stayed at the hospital , but everything changed when that young student, aqaintance of my father, the one who saved my life by bringing me to the hospital , came visiting me . At this time he had finished his medical studies and was already a doctor. He felt very happy by finding me in good health and a happy child. He accompanied me for a walk in the park , and we were both enjoying our walk for some minutes till the moment that we encountered suddenly my father . I did not understand what the doctor said to my father , nor what my father felt when he realized that his son was adopted by strangers. I never understood what happened during this encountering but the result was that I have been brought once again at my father's home.
My new situation didn't last too long and didn't give me the opportunity to become familiar with it . The family was arraning things in order to move in another city in the neighborhood region . At this moment although I was only three and few months I was able to understand perfectly everythings which was happenning around me and in my surrounding. I remember very well the tortuous ways and roads we were leaving behind us during the travel and also the very deep valleys we were passing accross them , they were green and awesome and at the bottom the rebellious river was flowing with its indifferent and tumultuous waves.
3
Not too long after our settlement in the new stranger city , someday my father took me kindly in his arms and told me that I had to prepare myself for a walk and a picnic in the nature. This sort of kindness was too unexpected for me but for the first time I felt that I was cherrished , so I showed myself very cooperative when my mother helped me to put my clothes on and I tried to wear my shoes by my own and I said to my father :"dad, you see now I 'm not a baby anymore and I can do things myself" . I was so happy at those moments that out of emotion I fell and hit the ground many times while going the stairs down .
Once outdoor and walking on the streets , I was running fastly after my father in order to reach him. After a while we arrived to a beautiful park where the kids were playing . By imagining that I would stay in that park to play with the other childs in such a florishing surrounding I felt extremely happy , the sort of intense joy that only kids are able to feel and to experience it in their soul. But my father plunged in his thoughts was ignoring me and continued walking till the moment that he arrived at the gate of the park and leaving it behind himself was running non-stop. The distance which separated me from my father looked so huge that in my astonishment I became afraid and very anxious , scaring losing him suddenly and once again finding myself alone and orphan ...
After having walked for few minutes we arrived at a wide street which we traversed and we found ourselves in front of a building with a very big brown door. The door was open , we entered and there were some stairs that my father helped me to going up and the stairs lead us to the first floor where a big lounge appeared which seemed to me a bit dark . Many stairs were in front of us again , and me, scared by that dark and the non-familiar place , addressing to my father I asked " dad , where is this place and why we are here ?". My father replied :"don't worry , we are here as guests and you will have lot of food and candy here , now go the stairs up !" I was relying on the parapet and when I tried to get up the stairs, suddenly I heard the sound of the closing door and didn't find my father behind myself . Horrified I runned back till the door and tried hopelessly to open it and reaching my father , but the door was locked . Out of fear and desperation I screamed so loudly that my heart could be torn and my whole body was shivering unvolontarily . At the moment I couldn't realize that my father left me willingly there or some sort of disaster separated me from him. After a while I felt the presence of a woman upstairs who was looking at me with surprise , she came down and took me kindly in her arms and brought me at the second floor where in a big lounge many kids were gathered and were playing . I stood for some minutes in a corner , crying for the unexpected event which separated me from my father , but as it is usual and natural with children , they forget easily the misfortune and adapt themselves with the new situations.
4
Very soon I became familiar with my new location and began socializing with the other children. I was happy finding lot of toys I could play with them , some balls , a little brilliant trumpet , a little wood swinging horse on which I forgot all the misery and sorrow cumulated in my young heart . I spent few months on that building which had a big brown door and then I didn't know what sort of place or institution it was called , neither why I was brought there , anyway I was enjoying the poor soup they gave to us , the presence of all the other kids with who I could play and the relative safety which reigned there .
With the arrival of the summer,we were moved in a place located in the countryside , very green and florishing place surrounded by some montains where a pure stream was flowing . We had a good time there , playing outdoor , discovering and pursueing butterflies and all sort of little wild animals , also there were all sort of playing engines for kids . Some young women were responsible of taking care of us and they usually distracted us by the different games and organizing singing and dancing seances .
The summer passed joyfully and at fall we moved once again to our usual place in the city. During this time nothing extraordinary happened because if so it would left its impact in my mind. I became familiar with my new way of life and as I was growing up I was becoming more aware of what was happening around me and also my sensibility letted me to enjoy fully the good days and moments we spent in our summer location. The countryside was really beautiful , along the ways there were all sort of trees,vegatations, flowers which seemed to me like a heavenly garden . I played joyfully in that wonderful surrounding and ate all sort of fruits of those trees. Those were relatively the best days of my childhood while we were playing all sort of games , singing and dancing under the supervision of the nurses.Sometimes the people from the neighborhood gardens were coming to watch us playing group games and singing songs. I liked most of all the play when we took the hand of each other and formed a circle of twenty kids and were turning around a hill covered by all sort of colourful flowers on a grassy ground . We were turning around that hill and singing songs, then we were changing softly the direction and were turning in the opposite side . At this time the rural people of the neighborhood gardens were cheering us up after the end of that play.
We were spending carelessly and joyfully the summer , but this state of things didn't last long . A sort of apprehension told me that this is too beautiful to last long. Under the impact of my apprehension , at nights I was the prey of very bad dreams and sometimes the dreams were turning into nightmares which woken me up in sweat and shivering out of fear.
At this time the place we , the abandoned childs, were living , the winter building in the city or the summer refuge in the countryside, under the supervision of different mentors, servants and a director , was not anymore a mystery to me , it was quite simply called an orphanage.In the countryside refuge we were sleeping outdoor under the trees , on the grass , watching and gazing at the brilliant stars, each one sending amazing rays, before I close my eyes and before I begin my astonishing journey in the realm of dreams. One of those nights I dreamed about my favorite game when we took the hands of each other turning around that florishing hill , singing songs and laughing , but suddenly I noticed that the scenery changed and that grassy hill covered with all sort of flowers turned into a terrifying abyss and the kids around me became horrible wolves that showed their fangs . I was so scared by this sudden change of circumstances which increased second after second my fear and horror,I left the hands of the others and tried to jump that horrifying abyss up and to escape that infernal scene , but the wolves surrounded me and each one showed me the threating fangs , ready to devour me in a wink , mortified by the fear,I felt so helpless that in my desperation I begged the wolves to leave me alone and to not harm me because I did nothing wrong to desserve such a punishment , but the wolves indifferent to my crying were laughing cynically and letted me know in their cruelty that they didn't care about my innocence and they were there to tear and consume me and roaring they attacked me. I woke up in sweat and an incredible heart beat . For some hours I was shivering of the terror of that horrible dream and then I began watching the sky and the countless brilliant stars which comforted me . A puzzling silence reigned on everything that night , occasionally I could hear the rooster's song coming from far which broke the mysterious silence of my surrounding and all of this had created a sort of dreamland , perhaps to remind me that the whole life is nothing but a passing dream ...
5
Not too long after the nightmare I had , everything changed around me. I noticed that our orphanage was not managed like usual , the tutors , teachers and servants left and the director was missing . Apart an old fat woman who was a sort of concierge , there was no one to watch or to take care of us. The fat old woman was indifferent to us and she could hardly move or doing things , instead she used to sit on the stairs and kept herself busy with her knitting .
I remember very good the location of the older orphans who were all teenagers, at the neighborhood of our garden , also I remember those boys who climbed the wall which separated the two gardens,to watch us playing and singing songs . At this time the wall in the southern part of the garden was digged by hammer, spade and other sort of gardening tools to create a big hole in order the grown up boys could have access to our garden where the kids were not older than 4 or 5 . Few days later , a group of hungry and violent boys of 12 to 15 who looked like vagrants appeared . They were so starving that they ate all the fruits and vegetables they found in our garden and and trampled all the rest . After a while when they found nothing to eat , they began breaking all the branches of trees , skinned them and ate them , also they ate the grains of rye which they found scattered here and there . We, little orphans were suffering starvation too , and because we had not anymore someone to take care of us and watching our diet , we began following the vagrant boys and ate trees leaves or branches .
This situation lasted for some time and I could not realize what was happening or what sort of disaster had caused this chaotic circumstances . Many years later I learned that a worldwide war has occured for few years in that region and its harmful effects were appeared in all aspects of individual and social life of people and torn the order of things and destroyed the economy of the society , so we were under the impact of this disaster . Our orphanage could not escape this global turbulence either and like a small boat in struggle with a deadly sea storm , was sinking under the water. The benefactor who supported our orphanage has lost his fund and there was not any budget , so the teachers and the servants left and we were given to the hazards and risks of our fate . The chaos which reigned on our orphanage was the result of a worldwide conflict .
We were few kids left there and in the teenagers garden all the girls disappeared and I didn't know where they were moved . From the boys section only ten remained and they were the ones who came regularly in our garden. They were the most wicked boys I have ever seen . Each day they came in our section and played diabolic and violent games and we, little boys , were like the toys in their hands on who they could do all sort of experiments and playing horrible and frightening games, we were just an object for their distraction and amusement . Our heavenly garden has been transformed into a desolated ruin by these few wicked boys . They torn off all the walls and built with the bricks some little refuges for their diabolic games . All over the garden they digged some holes as graves and played a strange and macabre play . One of them lay down at the bottom of that 'grave-like' hole and the others covered his face and body with the ground and sands . After some minutes , they took and put aside the ground and the volontary 'burried' boy emerged with a glorious and arrogant gesture and was cheered up by all the others who admired this 'heroic' player and the play itself .
Since then I noticed that some people even in their early childhood had wicked tendency and very strange fantasy they put into action to reveal their power or to satisfy their unsecurity and frustrations . Anyway this sort of tendency had always devastating results for themselves and for all the others .
The 'creator' and the 'hero' of such a macabre game as I remember was a weird looking boy of almost 17 who was called 'gorgon' . As I heard from the others the identity of his parents was unknown and he was notorious because of his rudeness , insolence and wickedness , everyone feared him and each one tried to keep his distance from him or even to 'respect' him out of fear. At this time I was only 5 and although I could not distinguish good or bad and the difference between goodness and badness , each time I saw him , by some 'instinct' I tried to hide myself from him . But unfortunately because we had no one watching over us , he came regularly in our section and spent lot of time in organizing weird and diabolic games and so he felt that he was the ruler of all of us .
6
I was starving and someday after spending few days in hunger and desperation , the old concierge woman gave me a piece of dried rye bread . I was so happy that I went down the few stairs which led to our garden and decided to find a corner to hide myself from those turbulent and wicked boys and eating my dried bread in peace . But suddenly 'gorgon' who was busy sharing some obscene jokes with the boys of his gang and laughing , noticed me . He rushed on me and told to his 'friends': "hey boys , see what a 'cute' baby I found" , and with a sarcastic voice and gesture he asked my name . I was so afraid of his eyes and look that I left my dried bread and tried to run away but he followed me and faking kindness he kept my tiny chin in his two rough fingers and pressed it so strongly that I cried out of pain. The other boys were laughing and mocking and I became a subject for their amusement . Gorgon was laughing diabolically and then he searched in his pocket and showed me a piece of sugar and said :" come on , take it and eat it and don't cry" . By seeing that tiny piece of sugar I forgot my fear and crying and took that suger and ate it .
The next day when I encountered 'gorgon' , instinctively and out of need and hunger I looked at his hands to see if he had some piece of sugar or not . Gorgon , when he noticed my beggar eyes , realized what I was expecting ,and laughing sarcastically said to me :"another piece of sugar? Ok , lets see " , and the he picked a piece of sugar from his pocket and showed it to me and addressing to his followers and admirers said :" come on kids ! you will see how this 'baby' will eat with appetit and delectation this piece of sugar!" and we all followed him till we reached the end of the garden where few fig trees despoiled of all their fruits and leaves were there and on their foot there was some excrements . Gorgon , inserted a corner of that piece of sugar into that excrement and gave it to me . Gorgon and all his admirers looked with astonishment awaiting my reaction as if they wanted to know how their experiment would work , to see if I would eat that spoiled sugar or not .Although the smell of the excrement was disgusting and made me sick but I felt that all my fragil 'existence' needed that piece of sugar , also the childhood ignorance helped that situation and I put that sugar in my mouth and chewed it . Gorgon and his followers were cheered up of the positive result of the experiment and the whole 'assembly' expressed loudly and sarcastically :"wow ! what a wonderful kid!" .
It seems that in this world , for some people , the fulfillment of their crasy fantasy and diabolic tendencies was considerated a great achievement and procured for them an extreme happiness...
This 'program' of my sugar-eating with the conditions I described was repeated many times , but 'gorgon' after a while found it boring and was thinking to create some more exciting distractions. Someday when all his followers had digged a 'grave-like' hole to play their macabre game , suddenly 'gorgon' noticed my presence while I was watching them, approched me and proposed to me to lie down at the bottom of that hole . I was so afraid of the outcome of such a 'game' that I tried to go away from that hole , and before taking some other steps back , 'gorgon' excited by my refusal , took me with a fast move in his hands and tried to put me in the hole . I began to cry so loudly and struggling like a tiny helpless sparrow in the hands of a wild animal , which combined with all the laughing and amusement of the 'assembly', created such a tumultuous 'show' that attracted the attention and the curiosity of the people in the neighborhood garden . While my hands were tied strongly around 'gorgon' 's neck and struggling with him to avoid lying down in the hole , and his friends joined us to help him to put me at any cost in the hole , suddenly we heard a loud and threatening voice from the up of the western wall of the garden . This voice broke the current of the things and suspended the trend of that macabre game . Gorgon put me on the ground and left me alone and in a sort of surprise, accompanied by his admirers, moved in the direction of the place where the voice was heard . I could breathe easily and felt some comfort
Gorgon , with the attitude and gesture of the chief of a gang of thieves , followed by his admirers who imitating the same bold attitude and gesture , approched the wall above which a young boy of 15 or 16 , hanged on a branch of some fruit tree was seen . Gorgon , the hands at his waist along with his gang were looking at him with a sort of anger and mockery , then with his harsh and angry voice , addressed to the young boy said :" who are you and what are you doing here on the wall of the people, putting your nose into others business ?". The young boy who was a very good looking person with wide shoulders replied :"I have nothing to do with your business , but it doesn't seem good to mistreat and abuse a helpless and orphan kid !" . Gogon said boldly : " are you the owner of the kid or his tutor ? mind your own business and get lost !" . After expressing these words he took a broken branch of tree and threw it toward his opponent . In a wink the young boy or in another word my 'protector' lowered his head and the rough branch of tree passed behind , missing his head as target . The rudeness and the insolence of 'gorgon' , beside his gross and harsh physical shape were so impressive that none of the boys of his age dared confronting him in some struggle or fight . After the 'scene' which was occured , all the boys of the gang supposed with a sort of self-assurance that the boy of the neighborhood garden would never dare to show again himself and to confront 'gorgon' . But against all expectation my 'protector' , jumped in a wink into our garden and showed himself ready for a fight . Gorgon , surprised by such a boldness became so angry that he began to hit the boy's face and body with multiples punches, but my 'protector' replied all of the punches with such strong and effective fist fight techniques that 'gorgon' fell on the ground keeping his face in his hands . The blood was droped through his fingers from his face which was injured during the fight .
I thought that the friends of 'gorgon' after seeing such a humiliation inflicted to their 'chief' would react by continuing the fight , to take revenge and to defend the 'reputation' and 'fame' of their 'boss' , but none dared such an initiative , instead they began looking with envy and admiration to the young brave boy who seemed to them like a sort of new 'hero' . An awesome silence reigned for few minutes all around , then the young boy in a fast move with his hands scared all of them and they were scattered far from him and me . My 'protector' looked kindly at me and taking gently my little hands told me : " since then if someone intended mistreating or abusing you , just inform me " , he said that and disappeared ...
7
Gorgon , after his spectacular failure in front of all his 'admirers' , hid himself for few days . Then I felt some ease for some time .
One of those days , in a afternoon , sitting on the stairs , I was so hungry that I began dreaming about all the declicious meals which were imaginable for an abondoned kid who had never experienced the warmth of the family home , or the delight of the abundance of food on table ... Suddenly I heard a voice calling my name . I payed attention to the direction where the voice was heard and I noticed the presence of that brave boy above the wall of our garden, the one who could confront 'gorgon' . Joyfully I moved toward that direction . My 'protector' , after greeting me and asking how I was doing threw a big red apple on the ground before my feet and said :"take it and eat it" . I felt that I was in a good dream and I couldn't believe it , I took the red big apple and looked at it with astonishment as if it was not real . At this time , some eight kids after seeing that scene , run toward me and looked at me and at that big red apple with a sort of sigh , desperation and envy . My 'protector' whose name was 'sherven',( which I learned later ) , was still watching me with a kind smile , and with a great attention to be sure that I will eat the apple and the other kids would not harm me and catch the apple from my hand . There were many months that I didn't taste or eat a single fruit , because all that big fruit garden has became a desolated ruin which was the result of a war , the social unrest , and a chaotic circumstances . Eating that red big apple was such a delight that I could only have dreamed about it , but it was real and I began shewing the apple and swallowed it quickly with delectation . Only a tiny rest of it remained in my hand that one of the kids came close to me and begged me to give the tiny rest of the apple to him, and I did so ... I noticed that all the other kids looked with envy to their friend who enjoyed such a delicious offer . One of them approched me and with a gentle tone of voice said softly close to my ear :"dear friend, the next time that you are given an apple , give the rest to me ". I promised him that I will do so ...
Since then , each afternoon , 'sherven' appeared from above the wall and gave me a big red apple . All the other kids have known the exact time of the 'arrival' of the apple and they were gathered around me and waiting for the remaining part of that apple . I was faithful to my promise and each time I gave the rest of the apple to one of them .
Gorgon seldom appeared in the garden and even there , he was busy with other stuff and didn't pay attention to me . The kids who were his playmates or his admirers , now showed 'kindness' toward me because of the part of the apple they could enjoy . What was sure was this fact that they stopped making fun of me and sometimes allowed me to play with them and this not because I was a meek and obedient kid and not because they have been turned into kind and gentle boy but only out of need for that tiny part of that 'famous' apple . This feature of human nature has always puzzled me , sometimes because of a sort of need , people became your close and 'trustful' friends and some other times because of no ground for any interest , they became your 'sworn' enemies .
8
We were spending some relatively peaceful days , and meanwhile my only joy was the apple I ate each day which avoided me dying from starvation or undernourishment . Although I was somehow relieved from the wickedness of 'gorgon' and his horrible games , he used to come in our section and kept himself busy with his specific games or 'story telling' . Someday , when I was sitting on the stairs and played with the stones as usual , and was hearing the voice of 'gorgon' who was telling jokes and obscene tales , he noticed me and suddenly with a sort of anger and hatred which kindled in his eyes , picked a sharp and long knifelike tool in his pocket and addressing to me said :" did you imagine that you found a protector for yourself, to hit me and to humiliating me ? this very day I will collapse his head with this spear you see in my hand" , he said that and full of anger hit violently the trunk of the tree beside him with his swear which penetrated it profoundly.
Few minutes later I noticed that 'gorgon' was whispering something to the boys who were usually with him and was showing the wall of the garden where 'sherven' was living . In a wink they found some ladder and relied it on the wall of 'sherven' 's garden and descended into it . Then I saw a shirt which was full of apples and grappes but tied around a stick was thrown over the wall into our garden . They intented to share the loot among themselves but surprised by the cry of the gardener they jumped the wall and reached our section . Sherven , informed about the 'robbery' which happened in their garden , came into our garden with the company of the gardener . Gorgon and his 'friends' after moving toward a corner of the garden , were dividing up the fruits , but 'sherven' , furious , showed 'gorgon' and his gang to the gardener . The gardener threatening loudly run after the group , some of them fled with the shirt full of fruits to the farest part of the garden . Now 'gorgon' and 'sherven' were in front of each other like two fiery wild animals ready for a bloody fight . Sherven , out of anger , addressed to 'gorgon' and said furiously :" naughty boy , you annihilated the whole garden of the orphanage and that was not enough for you , now you want to destroy and to rob ours too , vile thief !" ... Gorgon who was already full of hatred and resentment against his opponent , pressed his jaws to each other and like a wolf roared :" bastard you don't know me yet , and you ignore with whom you have affair , I will crush you in such a way that you will forget your insolence and silly boldness forever " , while saying that he rushed with his swear on his opponent . Sherven , after seeing the shining of the metal which was tearing the empty space with ferocity and wildness , in a wink moved back , but the shot which was supposed to strike 'sherven' 's head , hit his shoulder , torning his shirt , wounded him . Sherven , furious by such a mean endeavour , took a gross stone on the ground and out of anger hit 'gorgon' 's feet so badly that he cried and roared like a wounded wild animal , left the swear , sat down and took his feet with his hands . Sherven grabbed the swear and without controlling his anger , wounded 'gorgon' 's left cheek . Gorgon under the effect of his burning wound cried loudly and fell aside .
I was shocked and my whole body was thrilling out of fear and I didn't know what to think or what to do , meanwhile I heard the voice of some people behind me who were talking very politely , my surprise was great when I recognized our familiar director with the company of a group who moved and talked with a distinguished manner and look . They were witness of the ferocious scene of fighting which occured . Our director , coming back to the orphanage after many months which seemed to me an eternity , said anxiously to one of the persons who accompanied her , someone who was apparently an influential personality :"sir , I'm really sorry that your arrival coincided with such a violent scene". Then she addressed to the two nurses and tutors who were in her company to bring quickly 'sherven' and 'gorgon' to the nursery and to disinfect and to band the wounds of the two boys .
9
All the remained kids of the orphanage , after seeing the gentle woman who was our director , began crying out of joy and comfort they felt after all those months of hunger , desperation and unsafety . We gathered around her and we were crying , because we remembered how miserable we were without tutors and caring teachers .
The director , by seeing our dirty and skinny face and our torn clothes , guessed what happened to us and what we had suffered . She said kindly :"my little children , don't worry anymore , I will be with you and will take care of you all" . Then she ordered to the nurses and tutors to managing everything and taking care of our hygiene , diet , clothes and our well-being in general . The director went along with the group of visitors , who were as I said earlier , influential personalities , because she talked with a great respect and discretion with them and explained things concerning our orphanage . After visiting the building they returned back to the garden and meanwhile I felt so happy about the return of our director that I followed her and watched that respectful group.The man to whom the director spoke with great discretion seemed very impressed by the desolated state of the orphanage and the ruined garden and expressed his sadness about that . Then they exchanged a philosophical discussion that I could not understand the point or its meaning . At the end, the influential personality told to our director that he would provide everything necessary for the care and well-being of all the kids remained there and also all the poor or miserable people who will come in this institution seeking refuge . Then accompanied by the few persons who were with him , he left and disappeared from our sight .
The evening of this same day , for the first time after few months , all the rooms in the building were illuminated and most of all, the smell of a warm meal coming from the kitchen spread all around could make all hungry person unconscious out of delight.The meal of that night was a perfumed rice prepared with sunflower oil that I could eat with delectation after some months of hunger and the time when we could just find a piece of dried rye bread once a week , some spoiled grappe and some water.That little dish of rice I ate that night was the most delicious meal I ever tasted in all my life , because it left an impact on my memory forever , I couldn't believe that and I thought that I was dreaming , but everything was real and I can never forget that I felt very happy that night and could sleep peacefully...
10
I will never forget that afternoon when one of the gentle nurses of our orphanage came toward me , taking softly my hand and moving me away from the other kids told me :"there is a very kind woman who wants to see you and give you some cookies". Then I have been led toward a group of people sat around a table in the garden near the door of the building. Automatically I recognized two of them I met few days ago who were apparently the supporters of our orphanage . A good looking woman was there among them . All of them by seeing me smiled kindly and looked at me with great compassion . Our director addressing to that group said :"yes , this child was the subject of that fight , those boys were ready to kill each other for his 'cause'". The good looking woman expressing her profound kind feelings said :" oh my god , what a cute child ! , I wonder how people are able to put aside such a good kid and depriving him from the warmth of the family home and leaving him alone to his fate!". The influential man who was respected by all the people gathered there , caressed my head and said :"unfortunately nowadays most people have lost their conscience and behave as they like following their lowest instincts without feeling the least responsibility in front of themselves and all the others". The kind good looking woman after kissing me offered to me a beautiful box of cookies tied with a satin ribbon and said :"this is for you my dear child , take it and eat the cookies and enjoy that ". The joy and happiness I felt at that moment and all the hours after that , which warmed my heart, was so great that I can't describe it . After many years , this was the first time that I experienced this feeling and learned the meaning of charity , compassion and love . When I went to bed I was still delighting the taste of the cookies and then slipped into a sweeter dream .
Few days later after that agreable encounter , the tutor of our section came at me with a packet containing very beautiful and new clothes, underwears and a pair of leather shoes . While I was under the effect of my astonishment , she helped me to put the clothes on and to tie the shoes up , then she said :"you have a visit, and we will go out for a walk". By hearing these words , I became very anxious because I remembered the words of my father telling me that we will go for a walk but he brought me to the orphanage and then disappeared and left me alone paralysed by my fears and horrified by the thrills of the abandon . Anyway I followed the tutor and left the building and reached the garden , where on a chair the same gentle and good looking woman was awaiting me . When she saw me , she smiled sweetly and stood up and taking me in her arms gave me a little basket full of all sort of candies and fruits. This was the first time that I felt that someone was paying attention to me by talking with me and showing interest and affection . A little boy of almost seven years old wearing very clean and elegant cloths accompanied the charitable woman , he was her son and by the sign of the woman , he took my hand and we began walking and leaving the orphanage . Meanwhile I noticed that some of the boys who were always with 'gorgon' looked at us with sigh and envy , seeing me wearing new and clean cloths in the company of that mother and son and leaving the orphanage . Maybe I was lucky or maybe not but I felt some compassion for them , because there were as hopeless as I was in the past and will continue living their life or in desperation or in violence and hatred , anyway we had something in common , our miserable childhood and our unknown future .
11
When we stopped in front of the gate of a majestic house which looked like the palaces described in the tales , all the servants of the house came to welcome their masters with respect , obedience and excitement , and each one tried to be more pleasant than the other . Their big dog was so excited that it sticked itself to its masters , the charitable woman and her son, and expressed its joy with strange sounds or by running around them and smelling them then lying on the ground taking amazing postures ... We entered into the majestic house which had a very big sitting room and a dinning room , then multiple rooms for the kids , guests and for other purposes. On the other side of the garden another place was designated for the location of all the servants . In the backside of the house a very big garden which was so beautiful that it reminded me a heavenly garden , impressed me in a way that I found myself in a sort of euphoria . A vast terrace was along the house which with all the windows were looking at the garden . Inside , all the rooms were decorated by priceless artworks and furnitures . I felt that I was in a sort of dream that I wished it never ends .
In the evening , some guests came to visit the charitable woman who was now the one who adopted me as her child . During that evening party , 'madam' talked about me and explained to her guests the story of my life and all the things she knew which happened to me. She was so excited about her act of charity , the adoption of an orphan that she told to her guests :" I'm really a lucky and happy woman , I have indeed all the things necessary for my happiness , good parents , beautiful children and everything , so I decided to share this happiness with an abandoned kid in the orphanage , to make him happy in order to have a peaceful conscience and to achieve my duty toward god and the society , I really enjoy doing some charitable deeds to the poor and miserable people" . I was hearing all of this while I was playing with the children of 'madam' , she had also a daughter of almost five years old apart her seven years old son .
I spent splendide days for some months and had very good time with the children of the charitable woman , enjoying everything good , the games , the meals and the attention they payed to me . I was happy with my new way of life and nothing bothered me ...
We were in fall and the family exceptionally didn't spend the summer in their countryside house because of the social unrest and a civil war . All sort of crimes were committed , and the city where we lived was not exempt . The conflict and fight between the governmental forces and all sort of armed groups was continuing. The gangsters and agitators found the opportunity to increase the dimensions of the chaotic circumstances which reigned everywhere .
When the governmental forces prevailed for some time , a relative order was established and we heard few things about the unrest or the crimes committed . At this time I was six years old and was a sensitive boy . All my concerns were about goodness and badness , about meekness and arrogance or pacificism and violence, love and hatred . Also I could understand relatively the meaning of happiness and misery . Because of my sensitiveness , I was supposed to suffer all my life for the remarks and reactions of the people around me . For example the behaviour and encounter of the family members or the guests of 'madam' left always a huge impact on me . Progressively I noticed that I was a subject of discrimination because I was not really the child of the family but an adoptive kid . The people who used to come in that home showed lot of kindness when addressing to the two children of 'madam' but they payed little attention to me and I was always put aside . This was the difference between our destiny and fortune and this state of things hurt me so deeply and so badly that even now I feel the 'wound' of my burning and broken heart . Also I could understand that the most part of the kindness and care showed toward the children of 'madam' was based on the personal need and interest to attract the affection of their host or just to enjoy her material comfort and eventually to take some part of her wealth .
In that house lived also a very stylish and haughty woman who enjoyed the status of the governess of the children . She was also the manager of everything in the house and 'madam' payed much attention to her and consulted her in all decisions . As I heard later , the governess belonged to an aristocratic family but because of some conflicts she left her home and came working as governess in the home of 'madam' who was an acquaintance of her family . A big lounge was designated for her private life . She taught to the children the aristocratic manners at table and everywhere in their daily life, also she taught them playing piano and learning foreign languages . Since the beginning I noticed and felt that she disliked and despised me and didn't pay attention to me , maybe because I was an adopted stranger kid or maybe because of her social prejudices , or maybe because something was wrong in my attitude which made me looking a shy and cold child , anyway I was discriminated and she was trying to not allowing me to play with the children of the family .
When the charitable woman was absent , going out for affairs in the town , the governess brought the two children into her private big room and kept them busy with some piano lesson or other sort of amusement and didn 't allow me entering in her lounge and usually said to me to going away or playing with the cook's daughter who was a very impolite girl.The cook was a fat and uneducated man who always talked loudly and insulted everyone with a harsh voice . He hated me particularly , out of envy and jealousy , because he couldn' t accept this fact that the charitable woman adopted me as her child but was indifferent toward his daughter . I learned this when some of the nights the charitable woman was out for private affair and the governess put me away from the children , I went to the farest part of the garden where all the servants and the cook's family were gathered for chatting . I was so afraid of the loneliness that I sat somewhere not too far from them . I heard the cook while pointing me to the 'assembly' , saying with his harsh voice :"look at this good-for-nothing ! one should always be lucky to enjoy favour ! we don't have good luck at all , my daughter is so cute and so gentle and 'madam' is so indifferent to her that she never pays the least attention and she never does something for her , instead she adopted this stranger kid whose parents are completely unknown, as her child and mixed him with her own children !"
At this time I couldn't realize why some people are so jealous that they can't suffer the least ease and comfort of an abandoned and helpless kid . sometimes this same cook confronted me openly as a rival of his own age and considered me as his personal enemy . Most of the times he humiliated me in front of the charitable woman , her children and the governess and for attracting more and more the favour and attention of 'madam' , he used some words and allusions to prove that my presence in that house would decrease the social dignity and the noble origin of the family ...
12
What disturbed me most of all was the hostility of the governess because the least word or suggestion used by her could change definitely my destiny .
She enjoyed the absolute confidence of the 'charitable woman' because she had the responsibility of the education of her children and because she was consulted in all domains of the management of the household . But the overesteemed governess enjoyed also the attention or the 'affection' of the brother of 'madam', the one who apparently was 'in love' with her . The brother was always admiring the skills , wisdom , intelligence and the competence of the governess in all fields in front of his sister and this admiration which sounded sometimes a sort of 'worship' increased the dignity and the credit of the governess and strengthened her status in that house . He usually came visiting the governess while 'madam' and her children were absent . They walked in the garden talking or coming indoor playing piano and singing romantic songs . At this time the sound of the music they played was enthralling my soul and I found myself in a sort of transcendental state , and wished to be able to play the piano and produce such magical melodies . This same feeling attracted me near the door of the governess room , when I was alone and left to my own , this was my favourite distraction .
One of those times that I was listening to the music the governess played for her lover , suddenly she stopped playing and came out of her room and looked at me with such an anger in her eyes that I began trembling . She didn't dare blaming me verbally but with the angry expression of her face I knew that she wanted to know what I was doing there , I told her quietly that I was scared of the loneliness , otherwise I didn't intend bothering her , but when her lover appeared , she changed the expression of her face and addressing to him softly said :"I really don 't know what to do with this spoiled kid , he's becoming a charge for me , I'm bored , already I work hard for the education of those children of your sister , but taking care of this stranger boy who is not her real child exasperates me , honestly your sister has a very strange personality and very strange beliefs. On the other hand when you notice that all your endeavours are ignored and they're not really acknowledged and never rewarded by gratitude , you 're disappointed ". The brother of the charitable woman acknowledged the opinion of the governess , in agreement with her added :"indeed , you are absolutely right , previously I tried to convince her that her beliefs in charitable works are not compatible with our era , there is no room for this sort of 'superstitions' , she spent all her money in the foundation of schools and orphanages or adopting abandoned kids like this one , she's really silly . Imagine that I lost all my money in games and luxury but I don't regret that because I enjoyed my life and we all know that life is short and you should have fun and enjoying it" . After saying that he took his glass of beverage , drunk it , began playing piano and singing passionate songs . Then the governess came and closed the door .
At this time although I was only six years old , the details of that discussion left a huge impact on my mind in a way that I could never forget it .The reason for the impact of this conversation between the governess and her lover on me and the reason for having been so impressed by those words and their opinion about my presence in that house was the role it played in my destiny in a way that everything which happened to me after this moment followed another and an absolutely different path .
After this day , my sensitiveness toward the reaction and the behaviour of the people around with me increased , in such a way that I could feel perfectly the contempt and the indifference they showed by seeing me . Meanwhile the attitude of the charitable woman changed completely , not only toward me but in general . She didn't express kindness toward me anymore and when seeing me , she just ignored me totally . Until this time I usually took my meals at the table with her children and suddenly I have been put aside and my place was changed and she sent me at eating times to the table of the servants of the house at the other side of the garden .
The changes which happened in my usual way of life coincided with the tremendous changes occured in the life of the charitable woman and her household .
I was not anymore witnessing her noble manners and her dignified behaviours , not anymore paying attention to charitable works and caring about the poors and the miserable people , not anymore spending money to found schools or orphanage . She stopped visiting the charitable institutions or participating in this sort of assembly . All of that seemed totally meanignless to her . She became indifferent to everything . She was just like a disciplined and responsible captain of a ship who tried to save all the passengers under her care and attention , and the one to whom everyone looked for their life and well-being , suddenly in front of the astonishement of all the passengers , she released herself from all the responsibilities ignoring all the principles and ideals she believed in them till that moment and abandoned the ship and the passengers to the horrifying waves of a stormy ocean . It seemed that she was traversing some psychological crisis and was suffering a sort of mental disorder . Her behaviour was unrecognizable , her gestures and reflexes were not at all the same , the kind tone of voice and words she used to express changed into some incoherent talk and incoherent reactions . She spent the nights in company of some superficial guests playing card games , drinking alcoholic beverages and laughing like fools . The aspect of the house changed too , she fired all the servants apart two of them and the governess .
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